I am sitting here, getting teary, and wondering why. I guess it is, things that I thought, and things that I held true, change in such a volatile way when the group dynamic changes. One addition or personality, or big characters, change the tone and direction of guild chat or the entertainment/social side of the game so much for me, and I don't know why. Cross-dressing rogue friend said to me, "You are very capable of avoiding that situation in real life, you never put up with that--why do you do so in this guild? "They've" been doing that to you all summer?" Well, he has a point. For the most part, many of my guildmates are wonderful people. In fact, I am certain all of them are wonderful people, and don't kick puppies, punch nuns, or leave the toilet paper roll empty. But there are some big personalities, those who suck the oxygen out of the room and everyone dies laughing. A lot of one-upmanship and blarney chokes the flow of chat. Tonight, I felt myself shrinking smaller and smaller. I had such a fun morning, too: great group that achieved so much, and it just clicked, faster than a summoning stone.
But, I find myself feeling this way from time to time, that sense of not belonging, or not even wanting to, like some inside joke everyone else gets but I am just kind of baffled. In a few days/weeks it won't matter. Real life encroaches. And my recreational goals need to change, too. By tonight, after dinner, my little beautiful angel priest healer will be level 80. Tank girl is almost done with the Molten Front dailies, or will be tomorrow. Shaman-chica has known successful top-ranked dps scores.
I am hoping that my new circle of friends in the guild are not shallow--I don't believe them to be, not at all. I have entrusted them with my most precious commodity, my time, as they have trusted me, too.
Ah, the power of "ignore." They have all learned this long ago.