Saturday, November 26, 2011

A retraction, of sorts...

Those who know me know I am a moody [insert epitaph here] little shaman.

In my impulsive need to leave, I forgot one thing, one critical thing: I can be a *itch, too.

There is a reason why I kept hearing the Eric Cartman's song about Kyle's mom in my head for the past week, and it took a very good friend to reveal to me why. Ah, epiphanies. Such exquisitely sharp tools.

So-- I am sorry. I can be too much Walter and definitely not enough Dude. Thank you Donny for trying to help. I think, however, in that scenario, I played Maude.

Anyway, I have this fantasy scene in my head where I've recast The Big Lebowski with WoW players:

The Dude: Walter... what am I going to tell Lebowski? 
Walter Sobchak: I told that f**k down at the league office... who's in charge of scheduling? 
The Dude: Walter... 
Donny: Burkhalter. 
Walter Sobchak: I told that k***t a f*****g thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos! 
The Dude: Walter... 
Donny: They already posted it. 
Walter Sobchak: Well they can f*****g unpost it*! 
The Dude: Who gives a shi*t! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski? 
Walter Sobchak: C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on back. 
Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter? 
Walter Sobchak: I'm shomer shabbos. 
Donny: What's that? 
The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski? 
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't f*****g ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as sh*t *don't f*****g roll*! 
Donny: Sheesh. 
Walter Sobchak: Shomer shabbos! 
The Dude: Walter, how am I going to... 
Walter Sobchak: Shomer f******g shabbos. 
The Dude: Oh f**k it. I'm out of here. 
Walter Sobchak: Come on, Dude... 
[rolls his eyes at Donny] 
Walter Sobchak: F******g BABY... 
[Donny nods] 

I don't kill Rag on Shomer Shabbos. 

Theme song: Kyle's mom.

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