Saturday, May 18, 2013

Mr. Snerggulls Returns


"Sweetheart, I got some bad news for ya. Ya see, it's like this: your writing, it ain't fresh no more. Smelling worse than a 3-day old dead big-mouth clam, washed up under a troll's butt, on a hot summer day. With a side of pickles. Okay, okay...you get what I mean. Not sure what you think you were doing, there, goatchop, but we gotta get a few things straight, capiche? Do you realize you have used the term "bean counters" about 1,345 times? It's old news, sweettail. And this so-called news about kissing and pets? We ain't running a social rag here you know, this ain't no Stormwind & the Manor. Have you seen the latest numbers? Tome writes about her adventures in PVP and gets about 35,678 comments!"

The shaman started to get glassy-eyed. "But Mr. Snerguls, sir, she's the IRONSALLY! She's awesome! She's kind, funny, and self-effacing, and and and IRONSALLY! I couldn't even get past level 9...And I love reading her, too -- everyone does!"

"That's my point, hornhead! Folks dug this little gazette, too, but lately--well, our numbers have significantly dropped. This ain't no non-profit, moonbeam. I've got 12,345 spawn to feed. You're no Terry Gross or Ira Glass. Folks ain't lining up to read, and you ain't getting paid by the character count."

Mataoka thought this would not be a good time to mention she wasn't getting paid at all...

"So, let's take a look: you're splitting infinitives, transitions are tiresome, syntax is superfluous, raconteur redundant, your spell check is broken, and grammar nonexistent, and I think you lost your Azerothian Aegis Style Manual, 33rd Edition, didn't you?"

"I accidentally deleted it from my bank, sir. When I was finding room for my..."

"Kid, you got no style. If I don't see some fresh ink soon, well, the only words you'll be producing will be 'you're fired' on a pink slip."

Mataoka wiped her eyes. She knew it was the truth. No murloc news is good murloc news. She wish Mr. Snerggullls had stayed on vacation with the goblins. He came back smelling of fish stew and cigar ash. Not pleasant.

"Look, happyhorns, I don't want to let you go. Come back in a few hours with some ideas, all right, totemcheeks? I'll be down at the pub pumping down a few fortifiers, if you catch my drift there."

Mataoka put a request up in trade chat: WTB Muse.

No response yet, but queue times vary.

11 comments:

  1. Hmm, when I read this I checked your page views. I remember ... I don't know maybe 6 months ago I noticed we had about the exact same number. Now you have raced by me by a good deal.

    You must have those quiet viewers, you know those stealth readers. A thing I'm guilty of a lot of the time. Tell Snerguls to can it!

    And I think a general malaise seems to have descended on us all, I'm hoping 5.3 on Tuesday perks us all up!

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    1. From what I have gathered, 5.3 seems to be a triumph over the Mr. Burns-es of Azeroth, the folks who want to squish and squash fun at every turn. The page views? Ninety-nine percent spam. No big whoop. I have had this running diaglogue in my head with Mr. Snergguls for some time now--that doodle? I did that on February 21st...where does the time go?

      When all else fails, I make a list. Now I have a list of story-starts. We'll see if any take.

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  2. I have tons of spam! I wonder how many real readers I have other than you two? :) I haven't got wow malaise, I have writer's block!!

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    1. Me too Navi!! On both counts...I have the start of a lot but not much completion

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  3. I can relate to the spam and writer's block but I also wonder how many lurkers I have as I don't tend to get a lot of comments compared to views.

    ...but then there are times when I often get misinterpreted so I don't comment for a while.

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    1. This past week I got a five-paragraph e-mail from a colleague based on heresay. When I responded with a brief retort, I was then told I was being defensive. Electronic communication is missing 80% of all human interaction: body language. We all need to remember that one-to-one communication is best when it's really important, otherwise, it's just pixels.

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  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  5. Muses are fickle mistresses, also they come like buses, twenty at once after you've spent three hours waiting in the pouring rain. I deliberately stopped checking a while back, after deciding it had a negative approach on my writing. Too many readers and I started too much internal editing in case I managed to *offend someone on the internet* or too few and I decided I sucked.

    Completely randomly though, you remember that mermaid you posted as a potential tattoo. Well it's been bugging me ever since, I knew I'd seen it or something like it before. Turns out, Mr Harpy went to primary school in the village where the Pictish stone it's based on lives and we went a few years back (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meigle_Sculptured_Stone_Museum) and (http://www.scotlandsplaces.gov.uk/search_item/index.php?service=RCAHMS&id=30852). Some times the world seems tiny.

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    1. Oops, I double posted this. No matter. It's worth it, a thousand times worth it!

      C.D.Rogue was busy all weekend doing his own creative pursuits, and I told him that was fine, (I can be kind of cat-like when ignored -- when I want to be by myself fine, but otherwise) But I completely understood, and told him that creativity is like a surfer waiting for the right waves - they'll come, but on their own schedule of time and tide. I must admit I've been feeling more like a bus passenger than a surfer! Love your analogy!

      Thank you so much for your post on the mermaid tattoo -- yes, I really do think sometimes there was an age of magic, for whatever it was, and all my scientific and logical thinking still keeps a light on for shades of possibility.

      https://harpysnest.wordpress.com/2013/05/19/its-a-small-small-world-for-matty/

      I think I see that bus coming now...

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  6. Ah, I am not the only one feeling it, then. It really is awful, isn't it? Although I doubt I could even whip up a post like this one even if my muse was biting at the bit to get typing.

    Strike one off the spam hit count. I'm apparently too good at lurking :P

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    1. Lurk away Neri! I know if I get a dot from Australia it is friendly and a 100% spam free

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