The Longest Efffffffing Day, or How I Went Insane and Took Everyone With Me

Somewhere in a Duskwood attic there is a portrait of a woman growing ever younger, while my own skin dries, and my heart hardens. My toenail polish chips, my right eye twitches from lack of sleep, and an overdose of caffeine. Tongue turns blue, then orange, then pink, from the train of Otter Pops entering the station of my mouth. Navimie finds her inner muse and writes phenomenal stories. My inner muse is on a death march to No-Man's Land. And off in the distance, the sound of weeds growing can be heard like thunder by the denizens of grubs and crane fly larvae in a yard.

Yes, I did Tour-de-Azeroth, without the aid of steroids, that is The Longest Day.

And it sucked. 

Many stories of 5-7 hour jaunts were told from the perspective of skilled pet battlers,those who've taken the time to level their collection with love, care, and knowledge. I am not one of those. I have many level 25 pets, and have enjoyed a pet battle or two. I foolishly went into thinking, sure, the Pandaria Beasts of Fable are tougher, but really how hard can it be?  

Oh, evil tongue. Oh, cursed naïveté! A pox on both your houses, the virtual and real! 

My day ended up being 17 hours, from about 7 AM to 12 midnight, with short breaks for one load of laundry, stretching, and one round of kitchen cleaning.

The screenshot of Navi's achieve? My computer bugged out and I didn't get the screenshot. But I did get this:

To me, Blizzard creating a 50% more damage thingy to those Fabled Pets is the toddler with the unibrow. (See film below. Worth it.)

I have been looking for something to focus on, one thing, for a long time now. Not bits and pieces of broken achievements, broken by time and responsibilities. Just one in-game goal that did not involve LFR, or randomness, or anything--just one little thing I could do, get done, and move on. Yes, I knew the battlers were buffed. Over the course of the day I think I received four pet bandages, which was problematic to say the least. I scrounged all the ones from other characters, but alas, none would be found. What will happen now if I ever do a pet battle again, they'll drop like rain from a Seattle skyline.  There were three factors that helped me complete it:

1. My dear friend lent me six of his leveled pets, and gave me advice. These pets were, of course, and naturally, to be returned to him in fixed condition in a timely manner. They have been returned, of course.

Me returning the pets in mint condition...

2. My friend Señor knows the best corny jokes. These kept me laughing.

3. Leet Druid

I spent three hours alone on Nitun. My friend told me to use all mechanicals, because if one pet dies Nitun regenerates his health. After about one to two hours, I decided to do a little research on my own. Of course every WoW page wrote, 'it's easy, stupid, what's wrong with you?' Not a single one of the pet advice pages said to use mechanicals, but my hunch was still to listen to my friend, because he knows his stuff. But I did add a spider to the rotation. Once I did this, I could get him down to even 188 health before another pet died, and he regenerated health. But I notice something that gave me hope: he doesn't always do that, even if a pet dies. Sometimes....sometimes Nitun gets cocky.*

What ultimately won the battle, around midnight, it was an AI glitch. Nitun didn't rebuff his health after the 347th death of a pet. I had a witness, Leet Druid. Leet Druid came home and watched over my shoulder and helped me continue, because at that point of the marathon I had runner's fatigue and the finish line still seemed miles, er, hours away. I carefully came up with just the right combination of spells, hope, stuck together with shoestrings and spit, and completed it. Was it skill? Was it tactical savvy? No, sorry to say. Just pure tenacity. Or insanity. Little of both? 

When I confess there was a moment when I told myself that if I couldn't figure out Nitun before the end of the server day, I would quit the game, and meant it. I would return the pets to my kind friend, of course, hand over the riendas del gremio to my dear friend Señor, and ride off into the sunset. At least for a while, because you know, I can control this anytime I want, right?

Did the Marked Flawed Battle Stone arrive? Nope. And when it does, what does it do? Does it pay my taxes, make all my pets rare blues, give me a backrub, or shine my shoes? Does it take me to brunch, or spread out some mulch, does it give me a smile, or buy me a replacement package of Otter Pops? Pretty sure it doesn't.

Maggie Simpson in The Longest Daycare:

Paint me Bleakest Black and Grey.

*Navimie's fable on Nitun was one reason why my friend was so happy to take him out. I agree, the little bastard.

Epilogue: 

During the day, the longest day, the day without end, Tyledres also sent me some pets! Here is what I told her, but I'm paraphrasing: 

Dammit!

Why, you ask? Because I knew the second I whispered her in game saying how awesome it was she gave those pets to Tome she might feel guilty, bad, and then give me something, too, and I wish I would have kept my big mouth shut, because it probably just looked like I was fishing for freebie pets, too, or something--it was a game faux pas on my part, and I am so mad at myself! Why did I say to her I thought that was cool!? I feel like such a dork. I cannot think of anything awesome to give to anyone now. I am spent, out, done:

But Tyledres, it is cool, and you are awesome! My pet-battle expert friend told me a few days ago he had two Tideskipper pets, and when I got something to trade, he'd trade with me. Hooray! Since I had one, I could trade this! Elation! I whispered my friend and told him the good news, and he said he traded the pet to someone else already. Sad face. But I just sent it to him anyway. He reallly went out of his way to loan me pets yesterday. So see Tyledres? Your good deed helped pay back another's good deed! Later today I'll go work on that muffin basket I promised....but like the Marked Flawless Battle Stone, I wouldn't hold my breath. It's not payday yet. 

Please-- if you leave a comment, no congratulations are necessary. Sitting on my tail for 15 hours playing a game is not an achievement. This doesn't feel like an accomplishment, if feels like stupidity. I don't want to hear that my luck is bad, because it's not. Even a blind pig gets an acorn once in awhile, as my dad says. And who knows? Maybe that Marked Stone will do something amazing. Like change into a butterfly.