Legend in my own mind.

I am crashing the party on this one.

I have written this post asleep, standing up, on the monkey bars, sideways, and hopping on one foot. And be prepared: it will be a TLDR (too long, didn't read), full-circle moment, so I'll cut to the chase: all of this really doesn't matter. 

Steaming Pile of Bug Poo: Watch Your Step!

But, the chocolate on the pillow moment will be, I promise to end it with a drabble.

I am going to be very blunt:

Sharp #1:Tzufit's post hurt my feelings. I feel so uncomfortable with the usage of the villain from The Incredibles when talking about self-esteem. It was used many years ago in a master's thesis of a friend of mine, and it's always kind of been a tiny mental splinter. Why? I have no idea. Blame the pathological nutballness of my nature. I always kind of empathized with Syndrome -- the kid who would be sidekick turned arch enemy. Maybe because I always identified more with Buddy Pine versus Bob Parr.

Worn #2: Tzufit wasn't trying to hurt MY feelings. She wasn't hurting any one's feelings. She just had a point to make and she made it in her usual articulate, well-crafted and considerate way. (I love her blog/writing --always have and will)

Dull #3: She had every right to feel that way, as does every player who has a story to tell.

So I'm going to examine why I felt bad...why I wished that I hadn't read it...why did I let it harsh my mellow? What kind of insecurities did I fester in that I allowed someone's opinion to dull my enjoyment of my derp-dee-derping happiness and joy from some fresh, new content Blizzard provided that I desperately had been wanting? Well, first of all - I should have known from the title. But I'm strong, right? I can take it?

Well, apparently, at first, I couldn't.

I'm starting to feel like a member of Average Joe's Gym, and not Globo Gym, that everyone indeed is better than me.

I'm the one with the uni-brow.

Well, they are.

Those who have managed to play for years, have experiences, and have managed to promote functional, team-based love-like-family guilds have enjoyed years of memories, trials, and tribulations together, mourned together, laughed, and in some cases literally grown-up together. Two of my buddies went and bought the game together before they even had drivers' licenses. My apparent inability to stay in a guild because I don't A. Want to put up with a few trolling asshats 2. Can't stand to feel strung-along 3. Can't raid on a schedule means that on a very real level, I fail at that level of high-end elite raid culture. I can't do it. I can't say "no" to my loves, my life, and my responsibilities. They were here first. So if obtaining a legendary weapon is only available to this elite group, then I will always be shut out.

But getting a legendary weapon is not just where exclusivity exists. There are many tools players have at their disposal to lock others out (and sometimes they need or deserve it, assuredly):

1. G-kick: anytime, a member can be guild-kicked
2. R-kick: anytime, a raid member can be kicked to the curb
3. Ten-man: there are only enough for ten. Period.
4. Twenty-five man: you get the idea
5. Class/roles: only so many of the same class or role can be in any place at any time. I had a GM ask me if I would change to elemental simply because they were getting intelligent mail gear.
6. Guild hierarchies: GMs, RLs, officers, and the like have varying degrees of access, accountability, perks and responsiblities. Case in point: mounts in raid given to another officer, no free roll. You ALL have your own stories. There are thousands of both good and destructive ways a hierarchy meets the needs or destroys guilds.

Ultimately -- what I gathered is this--it's not about the legendary, per se: it's a mourning process.

Players who have built a culture and lifestyle are understandably, arguably in mourning over this loss of significant culture to Azeroth. It's huge. 

My epiphany is not that Tzufit and Navimie are truly trying to make players like me feel "bad" - I can do that all on my own, thank you very much, but are in deep mourning, not just over a token of achievement, but to a loss of their own happy memories of time well spent in Azeroth. If I could pour my heart out, if they could see my eyes, they would know how much I understand this, deeply, truly, and with love. I do. My point is not to undermine their feelings or disrespect these sentiments, but to examine my own, and make sure I come back to the joy that I had with this new content. It was there, that joy! It was! 

Perhaps we are not discussing "legendary," perhaps we are really discussing "exclusivity."

What is the opposite of exclusivity? Inclusion. And I know a lot about inclusion. More than I can share here. When I share that I have a Masters In Leveling Playing Fields, trust me---I do. I got it from the College of Hard Knocks and Lessons Learned. This is an endless debate, and one that, depending on your point of view, has easy answers or not. Is it fair? Is it equal? The two are not the same.

Inclusion--is messy. It's upsetting, it challenges our very nature of structure, world order, caste systems, and taxonomic approaches to classification. I can't speak for other countries outside the U.S., (even though I lived in Tehran when I was younger), about their approaches to equality. I know it's been a constant, dynamic issue in the U.S. since the crossing of the Bering Strait. The Boy Scouts of America, gay marriage, NRA/gun control, the U.S. military lifting its ban on gays serving and women getting front-line duty/recognition, slavery, voting, desegregation, and a national educational trend toward inclusion have always been a contentious issues. Whoa, there, girl! Rein it in!! This isn't about freedom of speech or the 13th amendment! It's just a game! Isn't it?

Well, yes, yes it is. And what may stick in a lot of craws is folks who get "legendaries" may be mean to small children. They may be assholes. They may have done jail time, or left the toilet seat up. But those players abound whether or not they managed to be with an elite group of raiders or players. In that way, Azeroth was already one of the most democratic places on earth, albeit a virtual one. We would think it was ridiculous if Parker Bros. sold Monopoly games but you couldn't use the Scotty Dog anymore because one "Unmaudbro," a Forsaken Warrior from Azeuremyst got to it first and no one else can ever use it again. (Illidan does drop this on every blue moon that lands on a day that starts with the letter Q, by the way. Didn't you know that?)

Scotty Dog: The Legend

It's about a loss or diminished culture, of "the way things have always been," and it is the painful side of nostalgia and grief.

But please: I love this questline, and want to see more like this.  Be careful, my sweet friends/writers. Blizzard listens to you more than they would ever listen to me. No one gives a shit what I think. And that's the sad truth. My little stupid playing world doesn't matter to anyone but myself and my few close Azerothian friends. I got to touch a little glory, a little fun, on my own time, at my own pace, and not have to worry about anyone else's agenda for a change. (Sob - all I ever do, all day long, is worry about other's agendas....all............damn.........day............) Just please know that when you are trying to maintain something that has always been, it may mean that it will remain locked away from the rest of us slobs.

I even asked young leet druid. Young leet has been playing longer than most of you. He knows everything. EVERYTHING. He will be playing long after I'm in my grave, and long before I saw my first set of draenei horns. I asked him his thoughts, sure he would agree that legendary weapons belong solely with legendary players.

He surprised the hell out of me. Emphatically, he said no-- this is a great direction in his opinion, and hope there's more of it, too.

Huh. So proud.


I feel a need for a random pep talk:

Okay, that's better.

I love crafting my own game narrative. And again, it doesn't really matter what I say. It matters what others say.

So, shutting up now. The shaman wants to speak:

The Prince's ember eyes burned through but do not see me. I am not so naive as to think he knows me, but it feels like he sees me, through his endearing hospitality and graciousness, which are preternaturally tailored to me. He knows what I love. 

His gifts are what I desire most.

But I am making deals with demons, and doing so with abandon.

Am I thinking I will win? Will it be fair? The Prince turned away, a void of cold in his wake where there had been reflective, false fire. Sandalwood barely masked the smell of sulfur. 

Am I thinking I am the only one? He has made bargains to all--the voice of my conscious tells me little shaman...little....shaman...your heart betrays you -- you are not one to heal - you want to burn, you want to slice, you want to make the blood sizzle out of razor-opened wounds. You want to cut. 

Brave, brave little shaman. You will burn indeed.


Theme song:
Sacrilege/Yeah Yeah Yeahs