CD Rogue took a stand today: he told me I have to call in sick tomorrow because I need to take care of myself. I went to the doctor, and still have some questions. Somehow every stress demon found a home in my upper GI and has taken residence. I know I am doing everything wrong these days -- everything half-done, half-assed, and half-hearted. Finding my personal passion again is proving a bit murky - but I know the clouds will part soon. Moods are like weather - wait five minutes. If I worked enough hours to do my job(s) "right" I could spend every free minute doing so. I know this is true, because I used to do it. So, that's not the answer. Do you ever have a moment, a pause, where you know you're not living the life you're supposed to? I love my life, and my home and family, and that is unchangeable. I'm talking about that inner passion, that inner motivation, where we cheat ourselves from the tiny dreams, and respond with insomniac haze.
That and I can't seem to get my toilets clean.
Life feels very fragmented now, like a puzzle with a pieces missing in the couch cushions. (No, dammit, nothing but a half-eaten Cheeto and a nickel...)
The above quote made me think about how my friends in Azeroth have gotten to know me--we all met through play--that's pretty damn cool if you ask me.
Lent begins March 5. I am not a practicing Christian, or practicing Jew, or Wiccan, or anything. But I am wondering...playing with the thought....could I give up Azeroth for 40 days? Well, no, probably not. Maybe I can give up early morning meetings, or chocolate (don't really like it), or tummy aches, or mismatched socks. Hmmm...those aren't really spiritual sacrifices are they? Well, let me try something else: for forty days I am:
- Not going to play on Mondays
- Write an hour a day on something not WoW-related
- Put on lipstick every day (it lifts my mood like few things do)
- Listen to one new song a day
Baby steps, people, baby steps. Here's one: