CD Rogue took a stand today: he told me I have to call in sick tomorrow because I need to take care of myself. I went to the doctor, and still have some questions. Somehow every stress demon found a home in my upper GI and has taken residence. I know I am doing everything wrong these days -- everything half-done, half-assed, and half-hearted. Finding my personal passion again is proving a bit murky - but I know the clouds will part soon. Moods are like weather - wait five minutes. If I worked enough hours to do my job(s) "right" I could spend every free minute doing so. I know this is true, because I used to do it. So, that's not the answer. Do you ever have a moment, a pause, where you know you're not living the life you're supposed to? I love my life, and my home and family, and that is unchangeable. I'm talking about that inner passion, that inner motivation, where we cheat ourselves from the tiny dreams, and respond with insomniac haze.
That and I can't seem to get my toilets clean.
Life feels very fragmented now, like a puzzle with a pieces missing in the couch cushions. (No, dammit, nothing but a half-eaten Cheeto and a nickel...)
The above quote made me think about how my friends in Azeroth have gotten to know me--we all met through play--that's pretty damn cool if you ask me.
Lent begins March 5. I am not a practicing Christian, or practicing Jew, or Wiccan, or anything. But I am wondering...playing with the thought....could I give up Azeroth for 40 days? Well, no, probably not. Maybe I can give up early morning meetings, or chocolate (don't really like it), or tummy aches, or mismatched socks. Hmmm...those aren't really spiritual sacrifices are they? Well, let me try something else: for forty days I am:
- Not going to play on Mondays
- Write an hour a day on something not WoW-related
- Put on lipstick every day (it lifts my mood like few things do)
- Listen to one new song a day
Baby steps, people, baby steps. Here's one:
The one thing that lifts me like nothing else (aside from the cinnamon lip gloss that makes my lips puffy), is cranking up the tunes with my headset on and singing like noone is listening.
ReplyDeleteYou and I are kindred spirits...now where do I get that cinnamon lip gloss?!
DeleteThat song is quite adorable but I think they might have had enough chocolate.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think so too! LOL
DeleteIn support I won't play the whole morning tomorrow, I probably won't play until afternoon. Okay, alright it's server maintenance but it still counts as support.
ReplyDeleteIn the spirit of transparency, I did set the bar a little low. I mean Lent doesn't even start until this Wednesday, tomorrow is Mardi Gras after all, and if I count the Mondays from after Ash Wednesday through Easter it's only six…and with that I'll still need luck and potion of focus!
DeleteAs usual I will be giving up chocolate, fizzy drinks and crisps. I am a remarkably lapsed Catholic but still like the good girl I am, I "religiously" give up stuff.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I can definitely join you on the second point of your bullet list. At the moment my life seems to revolve around two points, Work, dealing with other people's issues and trying not to kill my boss and WoW. I barely have time for anything else but I think without changing something, I won't be able to sustain soon.
Then I shall consider you a kindred spirit out there, writing away, bolstering one another. You understand why sometimes we have to shock ourselves into change…stupid people take too much away from us.
DeleteOh. My. Gods. You realise what this means, Matty. It means I have to support you in your resolutions! Therefore, your email is soon to be flooded with all the best Australian and possibly other music I can think of. >;)
ReplyDelete