Protect Yourself

This was originally going to be one of those mopey, reflective posts, a psychological analysis about "process addictions" with a small dose irony. And I still have some things to say, but then I saw this, and it all dissipated:

Classify this under "no hyperbole advertising"

Here is what WoW is about:

1. Gear
2. Relationships
3. RP: Getting pretend gear in pretend relationships
That's it.

We are either getting gear with other players and dependent on them, or not getting gear and frustrated by them. Either way we are surrounded by our golf clubs strewn all over the yard and a rake to the groin.

"Matty, what's this about 'process addictions, and what does it have to do with testicular-impact objects?"

Well...

Exhibit A: Want.

A little over a year ago, something happened which, every time it came up in conversation, inevitably I would start to cry. This told me I needed to work through it. There were many other things too, but this one thing was waving a big, fat red flag at me to seek some guidance, so I did. I am just starting to work this all out, but immediately my Azerothian life has been a topic of  reflection, and I was introduced to the term 'process addiction.' I am not skeptical, dubious, or resistant, but I am thinking about it. Is my time in Azeroth merely a process addiction? Am I the sum of my dopemine levels, or greater than the parts? I am not sure. But part of the thinking has been to track my play hours this past week. I started off great - not only writing down the times I was playing, but what I was doing. Today's notes included Momokawa's hours getting some charms, because "she" really wants these cool looking shoulders she saw on another player (Exhibit A) Addicted to Love' staring Matthew Broderick, Meg Ryan, Kelly Preston, etc. At one point the Sam character watches his former girlfriend and charts her smiles in response to her new lover's stories and jokes:
and went to LFRs most of the day afterward, wiped many times with laughing groups, and at one point they kicked the highest-healing shaman simply because they didn't like his name. How do I put that on a tracking sheet? It reminds me of this scene in one of my favorite movies, coincidentally '

I would say Addicted to Love is in my top twenty movies. There. Now you should go watch it too.

Anyway, how does one track hours spent in Azeroth? Now with my 8GB of multi-tab awesomesauce, I notice it is now almost 4:30 PM and I'm still in my jammies, and haven't accomplished much. Or did I?

So--yeah--relationships.

But then, layered with all that silliness, I got to check in with three of my favorite people: Señor, Kaylyne, and CD Rogue talked to me in real life, and we got some things squared away. In fact, I had grand conversations with all of them, really good ones, that made me laugh, and feel good about what's going on with all of them. I can't chart those moments -- but I deeply care about my Azerothian friends, and of course CD Rogue, well, he gets me too. His take on all this was he has seen over the past three years how much more I've written, inspired, and that my Azerothian friends are very real and important to me.

When I was looking up process addictions yesterday, I found this website:

I was intently reading it, and then saw the side ad. Are you kidding me!? Sweet baby murlocs, would you put a pipe advertisement next to a story about crack? Well, maybe. Blizzard has no problem with it. 

Tracking the /played in Azeroth is greater than the sum of the days, hours, and minutes. But not all minutes are created equal in Azeroth. I go bat-shit crazy when I experience quest cool downs, those minutiae of time that add up like dripping water to an ocean: when Dornaa is poisoning orcs (she is not comfortable with this, but the goblin told her to), and she sees the tiny second timer on the drumstick before she can poison another round of unsuspecting, hungry laborers, she is not only incensed she has to kill the lowest of the low, who's only crime was to be born peons, but that Blizzard is intentionally, willingly, stealing my ime. Sure, it's a "take a penny-give a penny" thing, and no one is holding me at knife point to 'play' - but -my encounters with the Beancounters truly get my Draenei goat. I do think "they" are getting it more right with the legendary quests, but even long time players feel too far behind and overwhelmed.  

So, protect yourselves, my friends: nurture your real lives, and your play lives. Things can get out of hand very quickly, and chaos abounds. And that is hard to track, even with smiles. Now I'm feeling fairly balanced and back on solid ground. Much more fun to chart the exalted rep percentage gains when finding Netherwing dragon eggs, let me tell you.

Tiny Story Time: Mataoka's & Navimie's Friday Fished-Up Fables

We're up to our usual mischief once again! These may not be true 'fables' but all is fair in love and alliteration. Fridays will find our blog filled with the stories behind the coins fished from the fountains, and sewers, of Dalaran. Be careful what you wish for, dear readers! (I'll link Navi's as soon as it's posted. It is amazing!) These are the stories behind the wishes...

Squire Rowe

“A woman can keep many promises, but a man only one,” the witch mused to herself. Dopey, moony sheep-faced – that is how they all looked after she cast her spell.  So predictable. Rowe was no different, no different at all. Cersei poorly suppressed a giggle, and the goblin merchant overheard her, rolling his eyes in contempt. “Those warlocks…always doing shady deals which never pay out, not like my smarts, no sirree.”  Noticing the goblin looking smug in her direction, she shrugged her thin shoulders, twisting her narrow frame away from him. They carried on ignoring one another. Gods, it was deathly dull in this moldy swamp; couldn’t a girl find small things to amuse herself?

Returning to her own thoughts: the squire. Oh, those ridiculous glasses! All she had to do was get a little too close, and those silly things steamed up! “It was too easy, she’s smirked, “he was already at a disadvantage, not seeing things clearly.” His gullibility began as charming, and then it turned irritating. But…he did have that thick, black hair…and those deep blue eyes behind those glasses…even though she wasn’t sure he was too bright. Not like his captain, who saw her for what she was: a sorceress, and a bored one at that, potentially a greater threat than the enemy. The captain would send a few men on patrol, and the next morning there would be two sheep wondering around dazed. Or, a soldier would be playing cards, drinking and laughing one night, and the next staring at the moon, crying like a baby. Cersei believed the men existed for her entertainment: a few soldiers-turned-swine, drunk on jungle-vine wine; tawdry tricks, a quick seduction, whispers of undying love, and the fell onto their own swords of lust. There was nothing better to do, because gods know nothing ever happens in this place…

When the captain ascertained his men were turning into mindless, rutting rams, he decided to leave the Sorrows patrol, and replace the ranks with a squad of predominately female soldiers. Back to Stormwind, the deadest place in Azeroth. Cleaning a latrine or two would clear these gentlemen’s heads. Give them a few copper for spending money at the inns, and see that they get a good night sleep – that’ll set ‘em straight.

On the morning the troops headed back to Stormwind, Cersei watched from the mossy tower, trying to remain unseen. Her thin ribcage felt hollowed out. Of all the men she had tricked, transformed, and taken, only Squire Rowe turned around to look for her in the morning haze, until another soldier pushed him forward. He was the only one who looked back, and none other.

Navimie's: Stalvan's Copper Coin

Who died and made you Batman? (with edit)

Nothing to Prove: Geek Girls and the Doubleclicks

Blogger friends: I think we should do this with WoW bloggers/gamers: email me if you're interested - you can hide behind a sign!
mataoka.of.exodar@gmail.com

Life without fantasy...

I had planned on writing a post titled, "Sucking at the speed of light," because my new RAM is installed, and yes, I STILL SUCK! Woot! But now faster. (Note to self: every time I wrote the word "entitled" when I meant to say "titled" is an egregious malapropism on my part...hope Garrosh didn't notice...) So while I am not sure I will be a better player, what this 8GB of awesomesauce really means is I can ALT TAB BABY! I can write a post, check email, get irritated over Facebook, all good things, while I camp for Arcturis. Rather, other campers camp for me. They bring their spirit bears around to screw with my NPC scan, they spit, wave, beg, plead, (hmmm, sounds a lot like Facebook) whlie I wait for the magical spawn of Arcturis. In wars of attrition, I lose every time. Staring contest? I'll blink. Rochambeau? Your rock will never be bested by my paper. One-two-three-four-I-declare-a-thumb-war? Pinned. So this waiting-for-the-bear may be a loss for me. Haanta is restless, she misses Sweater, and has poison ivy from the one time she had to pee in the bushes. But hang on little huntress, it'll be okay! While you're trapped by bear-desire, your human counterpart is perusing beautiful images:

Dream....

I've been thinking a lot about what my good friend remarked about me the other morning, my loose foothold between reality and fantasy. As I said, she was right. But what she may not know about me is it's not a recent development, just that Azeroth paved a pixelized path between worlds. I know many folks play this game textbook method: they want answers and strategies bullet-pointed and results guaranteed. I have to remind myself that 'using as directed' is going to produce side-effects and unintended consequences.

Now, is there something to be done about any of this? Not sure. Keep waiting for the bear, I suppose.

Matty Moth Superstar!

My buddy Krasher knows his business when it comes to pets, pet battles, and leveling them. He has been exceedingly generous with his time, information, expertise, and..PETS since pet battling came on deck. He made this great video showing how he levels pets quickly - I know many of you are experts in this, but what I like about this video he talks about how to stop or start certain spells -- something I am still not too great at, or know that much about. I tend to MASHALLTHINGs with my characters and pet battles, and then wonder why I fail so miserably?

Regardless, with no further ado:

WoW Pandaria Pet Power Leveling

My pets have all run feral lately, and I need to get on the stick. I seem to like getting them more than leveling, so this will help a lot! Enjoy!

Matty Unmasked

Brown Demon Hunter, sneaking around Azeroth...

Not really. Well kind of. Not really though, right? Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know.

Today is going to be a long day, but not bad. Just--one of those days where I'm not totally prepared, again, but arranged to have the right transportation, the right shoes, and an alarm set. I still need to go to the grocery and drug stores, and clean the kitchen; all in due time. I'll be in a waiting room for hours, so I'll take my notebook--not a laptop--because when I take the drooling, anesthetized mess of a young man back home, I'll need both arms to steady him to the car.

Look how much information I just gave you, my dear readers. You can make all kinds of inferences! Am I going to the zoo? No, not likely. Am I getting my hair cut and colored? Probably not. Preparing to meet Cthululu for coffee and strudel? I am, but not this morning. I could spell it out, and I might, but prefer folks drawing their own conclusions.

Godmother has a wonderful theme in her writing: anonymity and kindness, or lack thereof, in game worlds. There is no way I cannot agree with her when it comes to the point-of-fact people should follow the golden rule at all times, in real and virtual worlds, because those worlds are not so disconnected after all.

But...

dammit.

But....but what if in the virtual world I want to /pinch a troll hunter who's dancing around me while I'm looking for Arcturis? What if that node my druid and a human raced to was truly a tie, should I acquiesce? What if I do the asshat thing, like answer the door during an LFR and hit the tranquility button so no one dies? But more importantly -- what if I still want to create flawed, heroic, idiotic, misstepping nincompoops in Azeroth, and not give a damn? I DON'T WANT TO BE GOOD ALL THE TIME.

There. I said it.

The issue I'm tangling with right now, right here, is if folks know me in my real world and make judgements about my play time, or vice versa. Those who know me in game, and then find out who I really am will naturally judge - all of us do. We can't help ourselves. We have to form opinions and taxonomy for the people in our worlds otherwise we'd never get anything done. From our infatuations, deep loves, frenemies, enemies, abiding friends and colleagues: they all think they know us, and we them, and then add a layer of fantasy on top of that cake-which-is-a-lie? Sweet baby murlocs, what is that therapist's number?

Look: here is the reality -- we all need imagination, fantasy, and creativity to survive equally as much as food, water, and a fabulous tree house. When we know each other's real identities, we have power over that person, more power, and potential for trust and friendships, than we can ever have solely in Azeroth. We learn from each other, change each other. Does Lois Lane learn more about her relationship the Caped One is Clark Kent or Superman? Is Cat Woman's anagnorisis more poignant during the dance, or when she loses a claw? When the witch demands Chihiro's name, she enslaves the girl. Having one's real identity is a sacred trust between gamers, and this trust is where the heart of the community and do unto breathes. There are hundreds of people with my "real" name (which has also changed over time and circumstances), but only five Mataokas.

Something to think about.

Theme movie: Cue apocalypse, please:

http://vimeo.com/70941166

Series: Follow the Path: The Scarlet Crusade

"The Scarlet Crusade is what happens when mad zealots take over a good cause. "*

I saw this quadrant/rubric/metric for the first time several weeks ago in terms of Game of Thrones:

I'm not sure I agree with the characterizations, however it's not my thesis paper, so I'm not going to worry about it. In a discussion about the Scarlet Crusade it's important to clarify a comment, or provide some background knowledge, about 'lawful evil'. For more information on Alignment, click here.

Lawful Evil

• A being who gains power through methodically destroying others is lawful evil. Power comes through order, but one can be orderly about slaughtering innocents. Tradition is important, but goodness is not. The Scarlet Crusade and Cult of the Damned is of this alignment.

I won't re-post the entire WoW-Wiki article: it does an excellent job of explaining the history of the Scarlet Crusade, from origins, tactics, and philosophies. However, I cannot help but compare this lore to my own nation, and the parallels many made during some difficult times and egregious acts, and how my own political/patriotic worlds were turned inside out by seeing the leaders of my country respond and promote fear-mongering and censorship. 

"Membership in the Scarlet Crusade is high, relative to the human population of the region. The strong sense of abandonment, futility and fear runs high in all humans on Lordaeron, and the Scarlet Crusade feeds that fear with reassurance that the evil will fall while the good remain untainted."

I am not talking about the military, the first-responders, the families--no - they are my heroes, my true heroes. Unfortunately, this is not unique to any one political party, nation, or times: it is pervasive and repeated. We never learn, do we?

The Scarlet Crusade responds to acts of violence and aggression with more acts of violence and aggression, a fight fire with fire, purge all the Forsaken, and if you are standing close to one, or are in any way suspect, you shall be purged, too. It is not surprising though that there have been a few RP guilds focused on the lore of the Scarlet Crusade: its narrative is deeply interwoven with Azeroth at every level, and continues to subtly influence its future, albeit not as intimately as it once did. For every new Death Knight that is spawned, however, he or she had best know their past, so they can follow their own true path.

Perhaps fitting, of all my characters who managed to pillage the Tabard of the Scarlet Crusade when the Scarlet Halls in their original forms, the paladin and the druid have it in their banks. Luperci looks at it with suspicion, knowing as a paladin there is a place for her in the ranks, but is wary of becoming a zealot without heart or empathy: the druid, Momokawa, hates it for its stiff linen and bloodstains - no healing comes from this cloth, and she tucked it away like a shroud.

Tyranny with the face of faith is a dangerous force. Make no mistake. If the Scarlet Crusade teaches us anything, it is to, in the words of a Draenei, "Remain vigilant." But don't become a vigilante.

RTMT: A few of my favorite things, and no Von Trapps were harmed in the making of this post

Dornaa was told not to jump on the couch...

I was asleep, in fact, I was in what a Texas girlfriend called 'the biscuit.' The kind of sleep where even if you have to get up and pee, you could fall right back into, the kind of sleep where the temperature is perfect, the sheets are clean, and whatever else is on the agenda for the day is doable.

And then...

CD Rogue caught a cold over the weekend (he says sinus infection; I say the sniffles), and started blowing his nose, and if anything can shake one out of the biscuit zone, it's a snotty rogue. Now, there is a shabby, broken-down couch in the family room where I could repose, and I still may. I'm too sleepy to get any real serious writing done, so a collection of 'squees' before I consider jumping on the couch:

1. Boredom

No,  boredom is not one of my favorite things, but getting out of it is.

Perusing through Facebook, a teenager posted how bored he was:

Man, life is so boring. Everyday that I stay home, I do the same things everyday, and everyday im at school, I do the same things everyday. I need some adventure, I don't want to just go hangout at someones house or go out to eat, I want to go out on an adventure! F*ck this boring repetitive sh*t.

The grown-up response would be "then clean the bathroom" or something like that, but boredom affects everyone from time to time, and it doesn't seem to matter how much we have to do; if it's a grinding routine, it's boring. Sometimes though, I think you just have to give Boredom a big ol' squeeze, embrace it, and say, yup, you're Boring. Life by contrast, I suppose. Then when we're ready, we give Boredom its hat and send it on its way:

Inspired by http://www.kerismith.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/PocketScavengerflyersm.jpg  - make a list of obscure things to do when WoW is back on-line.

http://wowheadlines.com - I love this front-page of Azeroth news. It had a lot of quick links to 5.4 news, which I've been actively avoiding.

2. Is it Garrosh and me, or Garrosh and I? 

Neri Approves had this post the other day: http://neriapproves.com/2013/07/29/guild-macro-grammar-question/ and though I am not, IRL, exactly like Garrosh, I couldn't believe how much me and the tusked-one had in common. His blog is also one of my favorites: http://commandboard.wordpress.com

3. New Title: Romantic Geek
Yes, Navi. I am. What can I say? Everyone loves a good love story, with happy beginnings, endings, sad beginnings, and sad endings. All that awesomeness in between is good stuff.

4. The Graveyard Book
Erinys: our shared collective creative consciousness is cool. Thanks.  So many fun projects, including the spirituality posts, and examining death in Azeroth. I am so weird.

5. Ravens and Crows
I love noticing the small moments of light and magic in Azeroth - they come in the real world, too. You just have to look.

Aw, sugar!

I just eat this stuff up:

http://www.twistednether.net/2013/07/29/shared-topic-a-little-sugar-goes-a-long-way/

Can't wait to see if ya'll come up with anything!

Deep roots.

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be the blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

For most of the summer, for a variety of reasons, I've been going back to the image of a Jewish gravestone with pebbles on it. I am not Jewish; I think I saw it once in a movie and it always struck me as poignant, like leaving a little prayer or touchstone for the deceased, more permanent than flowers or teddy bears. Sometimes I feel that I am that gravestone; many friends over the years, and strangers, share their burdens with me, their worries, and for the most part, I find the right words to say at the right time, or a helpful amount of listening. We all want to be 'seen.' but not necessarily for who we are, in our weakest state, our moments of greatest self-doubt and fatigue. Sometimes my help goes askew, or misses its mark. If I was a doctor with a Hippocratic oath, I would have broken the "first do no harm."But I am only human, after all.

Sometimes we do feel alone in the noise, the noisiest place of all our own heads. I feel silly running around pretending to be a little pixelized hooven girl when people I know are sick, suffering, and disheartened. I had breakfast with one of my best friends yesterday morning, and a comment has stuck with me, that she believed I had crossed the line between fantasy and reality. She is not one to pull any punches, but always does so with kid gloves. What has been my strength, a source of creativity, has been reading about and spending time in Azeroth.

Anyway, I owe Navi a penny for my thoughts today, but first I must go see the tax man about a few more pennies. Tome, I have written those stories in my head a few hundred times, too. Señor, keep the faith. Thanks you for your patience my friends.

Postscript:
Momokawa thought one more try, before heading back to the Shrine; the hawkstrider failed to materialize, but the Orb of the Sin'Dorei did...yes, this is one bewildered-looking Night Elf in her Bloodelf disguise: