Saturday, April 27, 2013

Inner beauty

Today I'm up again at the crack of dawn to meet with my writing group. I was furiously writing a thesis paper last night (where did all this procrastination come from? I will figure that out tomorrow...) and trying to figure out transportation, so today will be spent in the big city, and I don't mean Dalaran.

I found this image a while ago, and thought it almost, but not quite, suited how I see Mataoka:

It's by an artist named Colindrina from Deviantart. Mataoka, at heart, loves to drink with Dwarfs and hang out in rowdy inns: this may be her before responsibilities and world fatigue begins to trip up her mojo. And look--her mug's empty. No wonder.

I will always treasure Vidyala's commissioned piece, however, as this is how she really is:

The thing about our characters is we are in (delusional) control over something that never ages, as we ourselves grow a little older. I've played Mataoka about 148 hours. Titan Panel tells me so every time I log on. My Titan Mirror, the one on my bathroom wall, tells me I've played my life a bit more than that. The scales tell me when I should have said no to that second glass of wine, or when I should have gone for a walk instead of farmed some ore. My blue jeans tell me the same thing in their silent refusal to snap buttons or zip up.

A good friend told me yesterday that when she hit this magical age number, she realized that she was getting happier and happier each day. Somehow psychologically the things that she cared about, namely, worrying about what others thought of her, suddenly didn't seem so important. Maybe it was her father's passing, and the concept of "don't sweat the small stuff" resonated with her deeply, and fundamentally. One can't "make" these epiphanies happen, but we can lay the groundwork for them.

Mataoka will never age, as I am. Does this mean as a character she'll never get to experience epiphanies of simply not giving a damn at a certain age? Well, she will if I write her narration that way, but otherwise, no. All those epiphanies belong to me.


  1. I wish hitting a certain age made me happier. What it has done is make me angrier. I'm angry at pain that didn't used to be there, so I now exercise a whole lot more to just kind of say, "eff you pain" to it.

    I got angry when I was told I'd have to take pills if I didn't turn some things around. I was angry at being made into cattle for the pharmaceutical companies so I started eating healthy just to spite them.

    Then because I was eating healthier I started accidentally losing weight because I didn't want to eat anything I could eat.

    So what I turned into at a certain age was skinny, angry, and fitter and healthier than I'd ever been when young. I guess that's a good thing, lol.

    Cat is me without all the baggage.

  2. Tome, I know. I really do. I have a very dear friend who is relatively young who just got hit with arthritis in both her knees. She is an active, healthy person and this has been sheer hell for her. Not sure that's what is going on -- just making a point that our bodies do not do what we want them too, dammit! :)

    So you look like Helen Mirran but you're kind of grumpy? Being skinny makes most women angry, have you noticed that? Mataoka is me without the responsibilities. Really-- makes me think.

    <3 you my dear friend -


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