Friday, December 6, 2013

OLRG: Scrooged

That's me, minding my knitting...

Several years ago at work, when the woman who ran it up and moved to Panama, I took over the Secret Santa gift exchange. Lots of fun, no pressure--we all wanted to draw a certain (male) colleague who was not only handsome and kind, but totally got it right -- I mean, to this day I still have the Queen from Narnia in a frame on my desk--this man GOT IT. Other women (who shall remain nameless) would re-gift smelly body splash or make hand-made crafts of sub-par quality. You would hate to get those as your SS. Now the teacher who got it right every year, whom we all fawned over and wished more than any little girl being on a naughty or nice list that he would be our SS, transferred to another location. (Insert sad face here.) And this year, just as I was about to compose what I believe is my clever yearly SS staff e-mail. beckoning one and all to make merry and be generous, the Sunshine Committee. (A committee, have it known, that I have contributed to every year and have yet to receive a card, a cake, or even a bran muffin. Guess I had better have a death in the family or a baby. Okay, never mind. They can keep their bran muffin.) ANYWAY, just as I am about to type this deck-the-halls message, the Sunshine Committee puts forth their holiday missive, and of course I respond immediately. Me! Me! I'll be someone's Secret Santa!

Now--back up. The other day I was doing Tuesday night stuff with the big guild, Reloaded. It was lots of fun, truly. Early in the evening, I told Turkic my arch nemesis was up to her usual tricks, and he whispered to me how funny he thought that a grown (groan I think it should be) woman would have an A.N. (Arch Nemesis - keep up people!) I snorted laughing and my thumb pressed down on the Vent PTT button, so of course, everyone on Vent thought I was a. choking b. had a pet pot-bellied pig c. not very lady-like. The answer is c of course. Anyway, I explained my outburst, and sure enough, almost every one in Vent had their own A.N. story. I really like those folks. 

You see where this is going. 

Who do I have to buy Secret Santa gifts for this year? Yup. 

A. Efffing. N.

We all fill out a survey about what we would like, preferences, etc. Every year I ask for pencils, nuts (no chocolate, thanks) and never expect them to bring me hot lattes--I know my morning commute usually means dropping a cub off at the crack of dawn and there are no Starbucks on my flight path. Oh well. When I got her list it was as if written for her husband or family. I sent another email to the SC/SS coordinator asking - um, hey -- is there a price limit? What's the time frame? She promptly sent out another e-mail stating $25 minimum over the course of four days. 

Look, I love Christmas. It actually has some personal significance for me I won't get into here that has nothing to do with donkeys, mangers, virgin births, or magi. I have my own stories to tell. 

But let me tell you, I am digging DEEP for this one. DEEeeeeeEEEEp.

This is the young woman who, after I collaborated with a colleague, and crafted some 'really good stuff,' decided to send a REPLY ALL, and included more folks, about how crappy and misguided what I made was. This is also the young woman who sent out a huge piece of work herself to one and all and how awesome it is, under the banner of "I'm SHARING! LOOK AT ME!" No mention of the work I contributed. When I mention this to another colleague who has her own issues with folks, I get platitudes and "isn't it more important that the work gets done?" sh*t. Well, yes I suppose so if you want me to take the effing HIGH ROAD but damn, I want to stay here in the gutter sniping at people! I'm a pretty good shot, too! 

So let me go on record, Little Miss A. N. Pants: I don't give an $#!! what kind of extra-foamy blah blah blah Starbucks you want. I am not buying you a damn Seahawks T-shirt, and you're not getting the other $75 worth of crap you want. You. Are. On. My. Naughty. List. You'll be lucky if you get a $5 card from Target and a how-dee-doo. 

Bah humbug? Indeed. 

Your response, good friends of Sugar & Blood? Just laugh at me. Laugh with me. All I require to feel better.

Moving on: yes, I'll be hanging out in Azeroth tomorrow, December 7 in the late afternoon. I realize we all have Arch Nemesises (spelling?)  to buy gifts for, and lots to do, so if it works out great, if not, no worries. If there is a specific transmog thing you're after we can do that, or if Tome is around see if we can get her kitty staff. 


  1. At this point I am definitely planning on being around and I'm so sorry I yawned in the picture up there. Too many late nights I guess.

    Those people with platitudes are just full of bullshit, I don't think they really believe that crap. They're just trying to look like people who take the high road trying to make us down on the low road look bad. Did that even make sense?

    Death to all who oppose us! Arch Nemesises???? Beware!

  2. Hmm. Perhaps you should get her a packet of red pencils?

  3. Also, twenty-five dollars MIN-imum??!? I would think that twenty-five dollars should be the *max*-imum for this sort of affair.

    1. Really! I reread that, I thought it said maximum because that makes more sense. That's crazy talk.

  4. A poisoned apple sounds about right albeit probably illegal. Or what about this:
    You could even fill in a few for her. Quite like this plate as well:
    In our secret santa I've pulled the person who left for maternity leave the week I started and whom I've exchanged around 10 words with.

  5. Erinys is evil! She made me laugh! You should just go the pathetic recycled gift IMO. Show how much you care /nod.

  6. $25 maximum for a gift! Crap, I don't even spend that much on my family. XD I'd buy a nice big ol' box and some wrapping paper and make it look all pretty. It'd be a beautiful present of nothing. Oh.. wait, that $25 dollar price tag... Think you can spend that much on ribbons and bows?

  7. You all completely cracked me up: thank God I have you and this blog. You are all hilarious.


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