Wait- that wasn't me, I swear!

On the hooves of the Astral Walker title post, I see this article on Bible of Dreams: How Not to Make a Good Impression in Your First Raid -- excellent post. And I just feel the need to make an observation or confession, or a little of both -- I am not that player. I say little or nothing in a new raid in Vent, especially, I try to learn everything I can beforehand when given notice, and would never, ever, EVER presume to tell any other player what they should or shouldn't do, especially the leader. I work far too hard in the real world to create dynamic teams, and believe it or not (yes, my friends, I realize some of you are laughing and say NOT!), I do my best to learn and listen. I have gotten in more trouble by asking (dumb) questions than not. And I did let the person who invited me know, very early on, what my zero level of experience was, but was warmly encouraged to try it. Now, I cannot control their opinion of me or my play style afterwards, but I was forthcoming. I know my limitations as a player, but I also know my strengths. Hopefully my friends in Azeroth will come to know those, too, and appreciate them, as I hope to appreciate their styles, too. And friendships.

Oh, and by the way...

Made it past Oz without dying today. Just sayin'.

Gaseous clouds.

Sometimes being impulsive works.

Take yesterday for example. Talk about dumb-ass dumb luck.

Just hanging out, getting a few things done on Luperci, and guild-mate asks if Mat wants to do Yogg. She assumed he meant shots of Scandinavian liquor, but that's not what he had in mind. Sure! Why not?! What's the worst that could happen?!

That was kind of like telling a someone to go get a steak out of a bull while there were still hooves attached. With a butter knife.

Okay, it wasn't THAT bad. But the thing is, the mechanics of the Lich King raids and dungeons are still hugely unknown to Miss Mat. She is so...freakin...clueless sometimes. But, you know what? So were several other of the players there too. (The raid leader was as cool as the moon, a young woman, who is someone anyone would feel safe with if she was the pilot of a plane or captain of a ship. And there's an iceberg. With tentacles.)

Quickly into the first round, Mat abandoned all hope of being in the top DPS of anything while she was trying to figure it out -- she talked to the player with the invite, and this person was so supportive and sweet. Another guild-mate was frantically whispering tips: she had done the raid a few times back at level 80. Even with a roomful of level 85 players, it took three tries to get Yogg down, but down the drain he went. She helped a little bit. Maybe. Kind of? 

In any case, off to see the wizard, that starry-eyed "I am a robot and feel no love" monologuing man, Algalon.

Holy Nebula --  that is a breathtakingly beautiful "dungeon." 

Astronomy for Dummies

Mat was so star-struck, while looking in her bags for a pen and an autograph book, she forgot she was in a raid and stepped in a black hole, kind of Wiley Coyote style, and landed face flat on some astro-turf. She got in some pretty good hits before she went all nova-blast, and watched as other players slowly twinkled out...but there were a few left standing, and down the wormhole Al fell.

She made all her wishes on those players' stars, and title was achieved:

Moral of the story?

Gotta fight the fights to learn the fights. Yes, watch videos. Yes, read up on them. Absolutely. Positively. Don't go in as ignorant as Mattycakes. But don't be intimidated either. If someone asks you to the dance, go. If you fall on your, um, tail, say Kirstie Alley style, just get back up again. You can stand on the shoulders of giants sometimes.

PS (Did not accept any loot - just didn't feel like I deserved it)

Theme song: Space Oddity/David Bowie
or better yet: David Bowie songs performed by Seu Jorge on The Life Aquatic soundtrack

To watch it on a grainy YouTube video on this raid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cS-kBU4qys

Hammer & Nails

There's an old expression: when all you've got is a hammer, every problem looks like nail. Or something like that. Luperci, of the Tanks of Little Patience guild, has made it to Level 50. I bought her a new can of armor polish and a shield, because this:

Termite Shield

...wasn't working. It's a piece of bark from one of those...dungeons...that...she hopes never to visit again.

She's been running through Blackrock Depths and Zul'Farrak. Whispering to the healer today that he was doing a great job, and the defensive healer responded by telling Luperci to shut up. Quizzical, she said, no, really, no sarcasm. The healer, lacking trust (perhaps it was because Lupe was lying face down in the mud next to a boss in Blackrock), cautiously said 'thanks.' Has it come to that? Are we all so rude to each other that when we are kind or polite our instincts are to knee-jerk a huge "ur a d*ck?" (And not a duck. Trying to keep this PG-13 people, without a lot of success.) One mistake made was when the DPS's were critiquing Lupe's play style, and someone kindly said "naw she's doing good." Why did that seem like the right time to show that she was top in DPS damage? Perhaps not the best timing. Recount = shame & sadness. Perhaps that is why when they fought the boss the DPS pulled the mob group to themselves (even though she said not to) and left her and the healer on their own to fight him. They ended up killing him anyway, even after Lupe pulled the boss to the side for a quick and easy kill. She'll watch the post-game videos later, but in all honesty, is not really sure what can be done to improve PUGs when they're that full of, um, d*cks. Except for the healer. Who later got in a fight with the hunter. /sigh

Oh well. In any case: she did get these new leggings, (Lavacrest Leggings) which are stunning:

From the trolls she got a Shriveled Troll Heart, although the hunter tried to tell her that (even though stamina and strength were its attributes), because it had a hit rating, a tank couldn't use it. Did I miss something? Luperci is going to need all that strength and stamina to make it to level 60, and then Suicide Ridge, I mean, Hellsfire Peninsula. It's an item level 49 item with strength and stamina. Hammer and nails, baby. I know hit is great for warlocks and their ilk, but was thinking it'd be pretty cool.  And her sugar momma bought her a new shield. She is covered in head-to-toe in plate armor, including heirlooms, so look out d*cks. You all look like nails now.

Gone fishin'

If there's one profession that can get under Mat's scales, it's fishing. She can be as calm as a pond or as stormy as a sea, and this activity can also both soothe or irritate her. In many ways, the whole fishing experience is somewhat analogous to the entire game experience. You have to be both patient and attentive, and not too disappointed if you reel in some junky flotsam.

Perhaps it also has something to do with the fact that many years ago, Mat's human lost about two months of her life to Animal Crossing*. She caught every rare fish, and paid off her mortgage to the raccoon several times over. She never did get the hang of feng shui, and the weeds just kept growing.

That's right, (insert favorite expletive here) I said Animal Crossing

So many regrets, so many things unknown. She thinks if she had known really how precious Seth's graphite fishing rod was going to be, she never would have made room for that saronite ore instead. Let down a little orphan boy? Oh, Mat - you are going to suck during Children's Week.

She didn't really understand what the professions meant. Dang, sometimes I wonder how the hell she made it to level 85 at all! Dumb Draenei. If she had known then what she knows now, she would have been casting her line in every swirly pool of fish with every kind of bait. All she really did to level up, come to think of it, was questing. Her guildmates didn't seem to notice (or care) to show her around dungeons and raids; she had not a clue. And she didn't even do that right! Where were those tabards for the Ambassador achievement? Why does she still not have a Talbuk mount? Oh, she did her fair share of battlegrounds, poorly, and if she had to fight in a war for real she would be front-line infantry without any hope of an officer's promotions.


She did have fun on some of those, though. There is one quest chain in Northrend with the Vykrul women, and she ends up with this fantastic disguise every time she flies over Brunnhildar Village:

Mat's gained a few...hundred or so...pounds.

Right now her skill level is about 358- just shy of 100 points for the Skills to Pay the Bills achievement. There are titles for catching rare fish, and such as Salty (which she would love, but doesn't think has the patience for). She'll keep casting her net wide and deep, though, and hope she catches something cool besides a cold.

Doing some goofy old-content stuff with guild the other night, she crossed over the thin line to exalted with the Silver Covenant. Now on top of Tol, JC and fishing dailies, she wants to do those for the Silver Covenant to earn her Argent Hippogryph. Only about 75 more days to go. Or over two months.

Theme song: Sitting on the dock of the Bay --Otis Redding




Patience, Mat, patience. Grab another beer from the dwarf's cooler and relax.

Editorial "We"

Okay - I apologize. I'm sorry. Sometimes, I just post things too fast, and then think of something later, or an image I want to add, or, heavens, see a typo or grammatical error that needs fixing. I don't have a staff of murloc copy editors on the payroll, with red pens in fins, gurgling out mistakes and errors. I am an impulsive writer; sometimes I can fall 65' without dying, and sometimes I can't. Feel free to troll those typos, my friends.

Thanks for understanding.

Oh, and I don't think this is a typo: $175/ticket: http://us.blizzard.com/blizzcon/en/

And YOU are?

Mat is not, repeat, NOT, having an identity crisis. Her human may be, though.

You may find the use of third person omniscient voice in this narrative may be a bit weird; and, I, writer, have thought that from time to time, too.

Aside from that, getting to know the dynamics of a group who's been working together for some time is tricky for anyone.  As the rounds of introductions are being made in the new guild, leader has decided that "Mataoka" is too tangled (this is all in Vent, by the way), "Mat" makes him think of dudes, (and apparently cross-dressing Draenei females are not as appreciated), so Mat's name is transmuted to Mathilda.

No, please.

Now, it's all in good fun, but human nor toon is a "Mathilda."

But that's an unexpected consequence of having others step into a narrative.

So, perhaps it's time to give a brief background check into human's toons' names (Note: perspective, point-of-view abrupt switches happen suddenly and without explanation):

• Mataoka is a derivation of Matoaka. Matoaka is Pocahontas' formal native name. Romanticized and European-centric views aside, I still think that she was a fascinating historical figure, and deserves to be researched and considered.  Mat is not a cross-dressing Draenei shaman. All acceptable: Mat, Matty, Matty-cakes, or real ID if you know it.

• Luperci is from the Roman priests who were in charge of the Lupercalia. I'm thinking this would have been a better name for a shaman, you know, with the spirit wolves and all, but what's done is done. Lupe (loo-pay) is fine.

Red? Blue? Is there a purple option?

• Zeptepi is from Egyptian origin myths.

• Morphemia, the most neglected Death Knight ever, is a derivation of Morpheus, the Greek god of dreams. Yes, and a pivotal character in the Matrix. Morphemia is not a pivotal character in any narrative right now. She chose the wrong pill.

• Haanta is a derivation of Hanta, or "hunter" in Japanese, kind of; not being able to speak Japanese, I just did my best with Google translator. Yikes. Original - no, hardly. The names of Haanta's pet have more of an interesting history. Haanta is currently cooling her hooves in Mt. Hyjal, sporting the greens, a level 83.5, and will get to level 85 someday. Her pets include Sweater,  Huli, and some other pound puppies and kittens. She's thinking a  monkey would be great from Deadmines.  If such monkey is procured, name: Archie. Less talk, more monkey. And what is this Loque more masterful players speak of?

We've all looked ourselves and others up and down in the armory, too. Come on. You know you have. Admit it. And when you check the name rankings, it's interesting to me how many other players share the same toon names. Mat shares her achievement rankings with a few under-20 level-something Tauren girls, and otherwise, remains fairly firmly ensconced as the queen of the Mataokas. There are a few more Lupercis, and quite a few Zeptepis. (And I thought I was being so original--nothing new under the Azerothian sun, eh?) So if there are many incarnations of your character, and you've reached some top rankings, that's quite an achievement indeed. You could be like me and name your toons silly, unpronounceable names, and be at the top of the list without much time or effort.


To that end, as we're all getting past the "My Name Is" meet and greet phase, I promise to:


* not to refer to myself in third person during play --I've tried not to do this, and don't plan on starting now, especially knowing how annoying, weird, and bizarre that would be to other players. That being said, all bets are off if it's a "/me (orange) Mataoka  (space) taps her hoof impatiently" emote. Okay. Wait. I don't promise I won't use third person for emphasis sake, but how about, "I'll try not to annoy you?" vow?

* keep my sense of humor. If you want to call my shaman Mathilda, fine. I'm over it.

Let me get the curlers out of my hair, please...

*try to show up, on time, to events, just as I try in real life, to be punctual, prepared, and pugnacious (always ready for a fight, if need be). But if you call on me last minute to get my tail somewhere, just know I do move as fast as I can. There are some real life obstacle courses in the way, though, on occasion.









Little Urban Achievers Post of the Month: I Like Bubbles

Ghost in the machine - Mat's Current Resume

Theme song: David Bowie/Fame

Postscript: Need more ponies.
Oh: Why does Billy's voice sound a lot like Mr. Bill's?

Exsanguinate

Is there a doctor in the house?
Apparently, no.
At least not yet.

Did you hear a collective sound of "YOINK!" this afternoon, as the life drained from her raid party members?

Not that our Miss Mat is especially skilled with her DPS*, but she thought it was ether-high time to get on her restoration spec. She's played with elemental, and finds it awkward. We know she loves getting in the mud, blood and beer of enhancement DPS, but also knows that her dance card is usually pretty sparse with that spec, too. And who doesn't like a sexy nurse? (Dwarfs around Azeroth hear that like a dog whistle.)

So--she's trying to be a little less this:

From: http://www.fanboy.com/2009/08/tarantino-dames.html

And a bit more that:

From: http://www.fanboy.com/2009/08/tarantino-dames.html

This morning, when her human should have been doing other work to save her own tail and the world, she thought, "Hey, golly-gee, why don't I clean out the bags and bank?" And like finding a skirt that was two sizes too small suddenly fitting, she tries on all of her healing gear she's been hording like a crazy reality TV show psycho. Some of it was even too low level --vended it straight away. But she had some okay pieces, making it to level 346 with her bandages and antiseptic ointments. (Ointment=worst word ever.) A few gems, a few handy enchants, and voila! Said in the voice of Dr. Nick Riviera, "Hi Everybody!"  she looks herself over and thinks, "This is better than a medical degree from Undercity Medical College!" She asks a few willing cadavers, um, friends, if they'd be willing at some point in the week to be her guinea pigs to practice on in normal dungeons, etc. A resounding yes! Success! She gets to play doctor! Hooray!

And now--for the malpractice suit. And she's not sure she has the gold for the deductible. Guildmate* asks her to join a PUG raid - again, a lot of hurry up and wait -- no biggie. She warned this esteemed guildmate she was literally in her new scrubs for the first time. Ever. One fixed action bar, and few moments of review, and bam! Worse than delivering a baby in the back of a taxi cab, faster than a shark attack, the group tries twice to bring down Magmaw, and dies. Misdiagnosis, couldn't stop the bleeding, and it was all code blue and no crash cart. Watching her mana drain faster than a $6 Starbucks spilling on the truck's floor, she now understands more deeply what the issue has been with healers in Cataclysm. It can hurt.

About a week or so ago, a shaman healer was in her dungeon group. Mat stepped in something, and bam - dead. The healer said to her, "Disculpa no pude hacer nada." (Translation: "Sorry, there was nothing I could do.") Mat doesn't want to be that healer, who just gives up all hope, rips off the latex gloves and says, "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor!" If she's going to do this, she wants to do it right.

This may mean--sigh--going back to Tol dailies to get an epic trinket; (she's gotten all the purple gear she can from the new factions for healing), and to need roll on heroic healing gear, even if she is accused of being a ninja or misunderstood. She will research talent trees, gems, enchants, and other great healers of the realm. She may never be the cardiologist or neurosurgeon, but she will try. Funny -- her human is thinking of working on her PhD someday, but the anagnorisis of understanding how complicated healing and managing mana can be may prove more challenging.

*Getting there --she can hit some pretty damn high numbers these days, but sometimes she's a swing-and-a-miss, too.

If Elvis can be a doctor, why not Mat?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRtt7QYvgWE

Postscript: Priest healer friend: Didn't think I could respect you any more than I did, but now I'm in awe.

Addendum: Oh -- okay: http://wow.joystiq.com/2011/02/05/totem-talk-an-enhancement-view-of-blackwing-descent/


*Players speak Spanish to Mat a lot. She is not sure why. Maybe it's the Ambassador title? No se.


(*Another blog lie -- it was the guild MASTER - who seems very cool, but not the best way to make a good impression -- kind of toilet-paper-on-show-skirt-tucked-in-pantyhose embarrassing...)

Reins and reigns

Puffy eyes. Cold coffee. Human woke up very tired this morning. Her only quest: one final big push over the next few days on a project. She knows she will feel better when it's done.  (She has never, ever, procrastinated this much on anything--and really does not understand how people do this out of habit.) Human always puts so much effort in everything she does, going overboard to the point of burn-out. This project is bitter medicine: must be taken to cure a wrong, but oh, so foul. Doesn't seem to be enough honey mead in the world to wash it down.

So when human tells her friends this news she hopes they take it at face value: the main reason she put Mat in a new guild is just to have someone else take over the driving for a bit. To see what it's like to have someone else put things on the calendar, click on an invite, and not worry or wait. Just to see what's behind the curtain. She was La Reina of Ever Thus To Deadbeats, and, she still has her sash and tiara. She's turned over the keys to the castle to a beautiful cross-dressing warlock and her scruffy hunter for a bit. She can only think that this will benefit all--if she has the chance to earn items that she can sell, wear, or give as boons and rewards to help other players, then that will be beneficial indeed. Any vainglorious motivations simply are not true. No ulterior motives or hidden agendas.  She only has two prerequisites: she continues to help friends, and is helped by them, and she maintains her sense of humor.

We'll see how this experiment goes. Mat did not make trade promises of first born sons for hay to be spun into gold, as far as she knows. There are loopholes and exit strategies, unless of course there is fine print. (And there is always fine print.)

She was in negotiations with a fun, spunky guild recently, and one of the enticing perks offered, unsolicited, was that the GM has, um, (cough) breasts. You're lovely, dear, but your Jedi mind tricks won't work on me. I am not a 23-year-old living in his mother's basement, (perhaps feeling that way a bit right now) but thank you just the same.










Theme song: Barracuda/Heart (not sure why this one popped in my mind: back when it was okay for female guitarists to have mullets? /shrug
Of course: Bohemian Rhapsody/Queen

Low-hanging fruit*

If anyone wants to do any old-school achievements with Mataoka this weekend or next, please send her a letter: Glory of the Hero, etc.

*And no, she wasn't referring to gnomes.