I think...I think I know what the problem is.
The problem is I don't know what the problem is.
I have enjoyed years of being focused, on-target, list-maker and checker-offer, and lately....lately....
I was blaming Azeroth for promoting growing and insatiable procrastination. I am not lying when I tell you I was not a procrastinator --it was a joke amongst my colleagues in fact: punctual, organized, and armed with flexible and collaborative agendas, I made things happen, dammit. But based on some new ideas which are actually old ideas which were tried and failed but it's a new day and a new boss and she wants to try the new ideas which are old ideas and and and I have hit something, smacked up into something - it's fatigue of change. No, that's not it. It's fatigue from lack of positive change.
Tears and DoughnutsBear's opinion on guns in the United States is polar opposite of mine. It is my opinion, based on fact, not politics, that my country, because it was built on army a rebel militia against a powerful and authoritative government/monarchy, has never evolved from this culture of violence. Guns serve only one purpose: killing animals or humans. I have very dear friends who are hunters, and a close colleague who is anti-speciesism. I have friends who are very much pro-NRA and friends who would marry Michael Moore is they were lesbians and already spoken for. I love and value this range of opinions and discussions I have with all of my acquaintances, family, friends, and colleagues. This has nothing to do with an attack on opinion, but honing my own values and reflecting on my own experiences, and what is part of my personal reality. And, in all the discussions I never feel disrespected or marginalized, and it is my nature and hope I would never do that to another. But I'm beginning to feel like it doesn't matter. All my courtesies and gentle dodging of tough issues is getting me and those I champion nowhere, because at the end of the day I'm one of thousands who is still left with cleaning up the messes of bad parenting, choking bureaucratic decisions (or indecision), and money blocked at the top of the food chain. Can you spell "discouraged?" I have grown weary of emotional, fearful decision making, of stances and stubbornness based on our lizard brains and not logic. Maybe if we were just honest with ourselves as a nation, and just said, "Yes, we're afraid. We are very very afraid. We are afraid someone is going to hurt us, and we are going to hurt them first." Fear and despair create a world of pain, and no going back, no second chances. And I am all for second chances. My friends in other countries do not get us, and sometimes, my international compadres, neither do I. This may seem odd, but it's true: I support our military forces, I support my hunter friends right to own guns, and I support legal gun ownership, but the current laws and accessibility is too broad and messy. I've been struggling deeply with the wrought of emotions after the shootings in Connecticut, and decided to throw my support behind Gabrielle Gifford's and Mark Kelly's lobby group. I am not writing this to ask anyone to agree with me. This is just one silly woman trying to do what she thinks is right.
Navi: I did however find out the reason for cops and doughnuts. Years ago, Winchell's Doughnuts was experiencing a slew of robberies, and told the local law enforcement if they hung out in their doughnut shops, they'd get free doughnuts and coffee. So, here is one case of law, order, and guns work together to protect hard-working citizens, and I'm all for that.
Maybe I spend too much time in Azeroth because the real world hurts. Came across this story about Aaron Swartz, and for some reason, just really made me sad for this young man and his family. There is something so poignant about this, in this day of bearing witness to all of our foibles and flaws in a public and permanent way, but ultimately, the sin of suicide is not against God or gifts of life, it is against our own darkness and despair, and struggles to become connected and secure.
Better.Cross-dressing rogue sent me this headline: Blizzard Donates 2.3 Million for Sandy Relief. He doesn't know that about 1.5 million of it was from our bank account for all the cinder kittens I bought. Don't tell him, okay? It was for a good cause. This was a fascinating look at the world of donations on NPR last week - frisbees? Really?!? This is a great idea: Donations Wish List. The beauty of us humans is that we do want to help - we really do. We just need to know how. Cash, people. Cash. Not chandeliers. When cinder kittens create cash, it's a very good thing. More of this please, Blizzard!
So why did I title this post, "Safe Place to Land?" Not really sure. Perhaps it is because when I am spending time in Azeroth, I do feel for those small moments like I have more control, more magic, and more of the Cinderella moments we all seek. I was in a workshop the other day and we were analyzing all the variations of the Cinderella story, and one of the discussion questions was what makes one version "American," and what makes the others part of their cultures. One of my favorite ones was Raisel's Riddle by Erica Silverman, a Jewish Cinderella story where the young girl uses her brains and not necessarily her beauty to succeed. What is more precious than gold, indeed?
When I have a moment, a quiet moment, I have plans to watch Samsara. Our own world is beautiful, too.
Hey, whaddya know? I do feel better.