But is it tradeable?

Pet battles, Luke and Darth style.

y u need?

Kay asked me if I had a priest tonight. Yes, yes I do. She found a pretty wand for transmog and wanted to know if I wanted it - very sweet! I had one like it, the standard-issue fairy godmother single-action glitter star model made with bronze tubing buffed to a shine by used mage robes and spouts an infinite stream of wishes and dreams.

And-- it made me think -- what the hell happened to the wand promise?

I thought -- did I hear that right -- we can equip wands in our main hands and go pew pew with them? Come to think of it, I haven't seen a single wand in any of the loot items.


Sigh. Great.

Now I have something else to research.

BUT IN THE MEANTIME: Ninja Cricket was doing some of her dungeon-y things. Greed on this, greed on that...but...

...sexy little leather halter top comes up and she hits need.

This-- this upset the entire dungeon. "y u need?' they inquire. Yes, she can wear leather. Yes, there is a need button for a reason. I "needed" the sexy little leather top, folks. So, yeah, I'm a ninja. Whatever.

All's fair in love and mog.

Recha the Draenei Monk is going to see if she can get one. Think there's one in her size.


PS Wands. I want more wands.

Mr. Ghostcrawler, I'm ready for my close-up...

Maybe three's the charm - third directorial choice for the WoW Movie...we shall see. What many players have thought is the team who does the cinematic should just do the damn feature-length film. I still get chills when I see the Panderia expansion film.

"I always cry at this part...hold me...."

Gandalf the Ninja

You always suspected.

RTMT: Catfish dinners.

What if I told you I was really an 18-year-old college student studying poli-sci at a small Midwestern university?

What if I told you I was really one of the editors for Blizzard's Diablo game text?

What if I told you I was really a 59-year-old unemployed construction worker from El Paso?

Well, none of those are true. I am who I say I am: An early millennium Draenei shaman, replete with hooves and fist weapons. Yup. That's me. Loves to write and photos of baby animals, and has a coffee addiction. The news of Manti Te'O's non-existent girlfriend fascinated me. "Catfishing" is the term that comes from the 2010 movie, Catfish. Saturday Night Live recently spoofed the movie, and the phenomenon of wanting to believe what we want to believe. It has made me think about the potential scientific research that could result on re-asking the question: "What is love?" Think about it. If a generation of social media babies can believe in an on-line persona without flesh-and-blood proof, and still feel the same triggers, reactions, desires, and hopes for the growth of the relationship, does it mean--that "true love" is a complete falsehood? We humans do love the idea of love, that's for sure. Cupid's arrows now just come in the form of tweets and avatars.

Now I am not suggesting anything untoward or weird happens in Azeroth (because it's all weird). Role-players have long deftly navigated the sticky waters of reality, fantasy, crafting a narrative, and building on a foundation of lore. And guess what? We imaginative humans crave the manipulation, control, and creativity that come with play. And as far as that generation of young lovers out there, I'm not worried about them. Once SNL has spoofed it, or Jon Stewart teased it, they won't take the bait.

Always enjoyed 'Drama Mamas' column, too.

Could Have Been:

Speaking of play, now for the fun stuff:

A know a few tricksy mages in Azeroth. It is important to the male mage to always look his best, and if possible, get out of those damn robes! This is a look my friend Conried put together recently, and I have to showcase it:

This is the centerpiece of the ensemble: The Valorous Kirin Tunic. Perfect, absolutely perfect, for a mage.

The other morning while Zep was stepping on some bugs, she looked over, and a hunter, Capgun, looked JUST LIKE HER! What?! Someone drank Potion of Illusion to copy her look?! How flattering?! And...she is lovely! It was tough to get a good screenshot, but if you look closely you'll spot the Doppelganger:

Oh, and recently CD Rogue told Kellda she needs to find some pants:

Pants-schmants. Got my stave to keep me warm!

Day 6 & 7: Catching Up

Underground Volcano Lairs are not all they're cracked up to be...

These past few weeks I have had that overwhelming sense of not being on the 'right' day - you know that sensation? Where you swear it's Tuesday when it's Wednesday? Even this morning I thought it was Monday the 27th, but it's Monday the 28th, and have appointments, and things, and I not only double-booked, but triple-booked. It just dawned on me that the reason my circadian and chronological rhythms are screwy are because I've been on Azerothian time way too much. No wonder why my pacing has been fractured!

Well, damn and double-damn - here is what I learned from my few days of AFK:

On the seventh day RNG made server restarts, and the light shone upon them all. 

I can do it if I need to. And it is good. 

When I stepped hoof back in there, it was so cool to see my friends again. Just --happy! My buddy Krasher was busy pet battling, and had a grand surprise:

He had obtained the Anubisath Idol and rounded out the Raiding with Leashes, so Mr. Bigglesworth, you are MINE! BUT THAT IS NOT ALL! He handed over the cage to a Porcupette: it had all its shots and papers! (It was leveled, in other words!)

That is about the cutest damn thing I've ever seen. He also had an extra Water Spirit hanging around, so  yeah-- it is very important to keep friendships/trades balanced, so when I am on going to see how I can return the favor.

But lest you think I'm all about the "stuff," nay, my friends --it was just cool that folks seemed genuinely happy to see me, too, as glad as I am in seeing them!

What did I learn, again? Oh yes. That if I need to go AFK for awhile I can. That is huge. That sense of some self-control, no matter how small or a delusional, just made me feel better overall. Now to try to be in the Moment of Monday, whatever that means.

Postscript: Mr. Bigglesworth is friggin' AWESOME.

Oh, and that money I owe baby druid for playing? I never welch on a bet.

Day 5: Permission

Okay, I did turn my sister onto the Chibli maker - that was fun!

I couldn't stand it anymore. I had read every inane Facebook update, and wrote a few myself. I made a Twitter friend laugh. I saved the world, (a few of them, as a matter of fact), fed snacks, made dinners, had meetings, planned and executed an exposition (Thursday was one of those 16-hour days!) I called girlfriends. I balanced checkbooks. I shuffled papers and socks. I even had an epic pedicure yesterday - really! I think the wonderful woman saw the fatigue on my face and knew it had nested in my poor, sore hooves, er, feet, and worked her magic. I took my vitamins and melatonin and slept like a baby. I made plans, I sorted stacks, I finished Dance with Dragons, and started new books. I bought The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, and started reading Christopher Moore's A Dirty Job.  (Holy crap! I just saw on my Amazon order list I bought this almost a year ago!) So far I think it's brilliant, and his thesis on the "beta male" is constantly reminding me of all the beta males in Azeroth (yes, you -- the players).

While Alpha Males are often gifted with superior physical attributes—size, strength, speed, good looks—selected by evolution over the eons by the strongest surviving and, essentially, getting all the girls, the Beta Male gene has survived not by meeting and overcoming adversity, but by anticipating and avoiding it. That is, when the Alpha Males were out charging after mastodons, the Beta Males could imagine in advance that attacking what was essentially an angry, woolly bulldozer with a pointy stick might be a losing proposition, so they hung back at camp to console the grieving widows. When Alpha Males set out to conquer neighboring tribes, to count coups and take heads, Beta Males could see in advance that in the event of a victory, the influx of female slaves was going to leave a surplus of mateless women cast out for younger trophy models, with nothing to do but salt down the heads and file the uncounted coups, and some would find solace in the arms of any Beta Male smart enough to survive. In the case of defeat, well, there was that widows thing again. The Beta Male is seldom the strongest or the fastest, but because he can anticipate danger, he far outnumbers his Alpha Male competition. The world is led by Alpha Males, but the machinery of the world turns on the bearings of the Beta Male.

Moore, Christopher (2009-10-13). A Dirty Job (Kindle Locations 467-475). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

Yesterday while walking to my truck I saw a white falcon perched on the telephone wire. In my gangly shuffling to get out my phone, he/she wisely flew off. Who wants an inept ornithologist posting one's beauty on another stupid Facebook post? Then, a few miles down the road I noticed the full-ish moon. I talked to Siri about the experiences for a mental note for writing. And speaking of writing, today I'm off to another Puget Sound Writing Project group, and we always get time to write and share. Right on!

So-------

When I'm sitting there at 9:30PM, and I've done everything I can possibly do (except the dishes--come on now, don't be cruel!) and I turned to C.D. Rogue and tell him I just want to play a little (he never put this ban on me, by the way--he's too smart for that) he said, and I'm paraphrasing: When all is done, all is taken care of, and we [as a grownup] want to choose to play or do whatever for a bit, then there is nothing wrong with it.

Freed up of all guilt or sense of failure, I did log on. I was hoping no one would notice (ah, where is that invisibility cloak log on button?!) because I just wanted to bounce around a bit, but it is a social place, and I do adore my buddies in Azeroth, but damn, I would feel like I'd have to explain myself. No matter. Luckycricket the Gnome Monk ran a little dungeon or two with a lovely rogue from Elune (she was charming and sweet- so nice to meet nice players!) and Lucky leveled up one or two (considering she has every heirloom imaginable, no wonder!)

Now, I do have another post brewing about how to reset balance in one's play life, and how the current game structure contributed to my threatening stance on the game ledge, but that's for another time. Now I'm going to check my virtual mail, drink a bit more coffee, and take people places and do more things. And make no apologies.

Day 4: Longest Weekend

I was scrolling through some TiVo'd recordings of The Regular Show.

I love The Regular Show.  (This is was before I found out Mark Hamill plays the voice of Skips.)

But this episode came on: The Longest Weekend.

"I don't know, dude, you two spend a lot of time together."

Hit a little too close to home.

Bachelors: if you're looking for clues of the female mind, this is a perfect episode for you. You won't have any clarification, but you may gain some --thing. Maybe. But one thing I know: never take advice from films that end in "Fin."

Postscript: busted! checked in on LuckyCricket. Had to. Just had to.

Burned by the beauty...

the lesson of the moth  by archy (Don Marquis)

---

i was talking to a moth

the other evening

he was trying to break into

an electric light bulb

and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows

pull this stunt i asked him

because it is the conventional 

thing for moths or why

if that had been an uncovered 

candle instead of an electric 

light bulb you would

now be a small unsightly cinder

have you no sense

plenty of it he answered

but at times we get tired

of using it

we get bored with the routine

and crave beauty

and excitement

fire is beautiful

and we know that if we get 

too close it will kill us

but what does that matter 

it is better to be happy

for a moment 

and be burned up with beauty

than to live a long time 

and be bored all the while

so we wad all our life up

into one little roll

and then we shoot the roll

that is what life is for 

it is better to be a part of beauty

for one instant and then to cease to

exist than to exist forever 

and never be a part of beauty

our attitude toward life

is to come easy go easy

we are like human beings

used to be before they became

too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him

out of his philosophy 

he went and immolated himself 

on a patent cigar lighter

i do not agree with him

myself i would rather have

half the happiness and twice

the longevity

but at the same time i wish 

there was something i wanted

as badly as he wanted to fry himself

archy

Thank you Erinys.

The racial pet for Draeneis are moths. I have collected them in every color, from every corner of Azeroth. They should be found near flames, lights, false and true (including Darkmoon eyes and lights of shadow). What I haven't had a chance to tell her yet is weeks ago I named a beautiful blue harpy after her, with a slight twist: Aerynys.

Tough crowd.

...or: "The Cultural Misadventures of a Kaajin the Goblin."

This one's for you, Navi.

I know a goblin warlock, a beautiful green-skinned darling named Kaajin. She had an unfortunate smelting accident while making bolts in the Dwarven District one afternoon, and when she awoke from her coma, she had turned from a human to a goblin, the only permanent side effect. Interestingly enough, she managed to make the most of it and immediately purchased a crab that seemed to make her Alliance brethren happy.

Knowing to stay off the mean streets of Orgrimmar until she got her bearings, she decided to perch in a hotel for a spell. This one didn't have has many blood splatters on the wall or Forsaken warriors haunting around named Ibwa chewing the fat and the customers, so she determined its relative safety. After all, it hadn't been all the long since she was a human, and only had to worry about fending off cheeky, butt-pinching gnomes (oh yes--do not be fooled - gnomes love to pinch human female bottoms...) or churlish soldiers. Content to blend in with the crowd, until gold and glory called (which due to her newly minted goblin protocols, would not be long).

Demonology was easy. She thought, sipping a cup of gods-know-what, (the barkeep had a don't ask, don't tell policy on ingredients), why not stir up the pot a bit and try her skills at Affliction? It seemed intriguing...all pustular, pestilent, and pulchritude of pretty spells. One in particular seemed interesting...wonder what it does? Howling Fear...oh, this could be fun! "No one in this place will hear me," she thought, sending out waves of silently deafening horror.

As her jaw was beginning to form a smile from the joy of the howl, and before her head was back to a 45 degree angle on her shoulders, a looming, hairy form pounded her into the ground. None of the patrons gave it a second glance. She was dead. In her spirit self, she was bewildered, confused--how can this be?! I am among friends, aren't I? Why, why did someone else slaughter me like a plate of half-priced Happy Hour nachos?

A lumbering Tauren sat, drinking his ale, a bit more sweaty and steaming of irritation in the corner.

She ran back to the bar, retrieved her broken bones, mended them back up, and lived again.

Because she came from human origins, and humans are not always as shrewd as goblins, she tried it again.

It takes a lot to mortify a goblin. In fact, few of us would want to know what. Our human imaginations cannot do the math on this one. She did not run back this time: she knew the freight train's name who had run her down like a sheep on the tracks: Gamon. She heard sniggering in the corner from a group of Blood Elves. Her skin went from green to beet red, but she pulled her cowl over her hair to hide her anger and embarrassment. She stood next to him in the bar. He did not look at her; he just drank his ale.

She decided to just leave him be.

For now.


Editor's Note: Further research on the outlaw Gamon shows that no one is safe in his presence. He is not a low-level NPC, but an elite. Maybe because of Kaajin's stature she did not notice the huge, shining gold ring around his name with blood-red number, "85." But in all the years on the Alliance side, there has never been an incident where an NPC in the same Inn has been so deftly deadly. Oh sure, there's the occasional brawl with a cook-cum-cultist  for the Valiance Expedition, but whatever. Never met anyone like Gamon before, and plan on keeping a wide berth, and not throwing out random Howling Fears in his presence.

It'll be a miracle.

Somewhere in Vegas there is a bookie who is placing odds on when I'm going to crack. If you are one of those who's thinking I'm not going to make it the full seven days, going to give you the inside edge, the house advantage: you may be right.

Day 3: The List-ening

Luckycricket sits on bread and waits.

The list:

1. Finish Ceniza's cooking achievement

2. One more exalted on Mataoka/tabard

3. Fist weapons for Mataoka 

4. Jewel crafting panther mounts

5. More Darkmoon cards! Pick all the things!

6. Pants for Zep (must be nicer to Klaxxi)

7. Level Luckycricket the Gnome Monk of Perfection to Level 85 for the Fire and Blood Guild. Remember those guys? The ones with the funny trade chat guild recruitment ad? They are just as funny and nice as they have said. I think it's only when one tries to start raiding with guilds that things go sour.

8. Level Kellda the Wistful Warlock to 90, and really see what she can do.

9. February: Luperci.

The real list:

1. Run Karazhan over and over and over and over until Attunmen takes a breathalizer test and gives me designated driver duty.

2. Run Stratholme over and over and over until Lord Rivendare admits he's not man enough for such a cool dead goat pony.

Am I finding balance in my break? Finding what I am searching for? Perhaps. But there's still a scourged whelping out there who's going to be very, very sorry.

trying to be all Zen and shit...

In the spirit...

Zwingli asked me a tough, tough question the other day, and I know I'm going to get it wrong. He asked me when starting a healer, which one would be the best to start with?

Oh, Z.

Oh no.

I literally thought about it all evening (this was a while ago--quit checking up on me!) and into the next morning. Of course I had to consider my own healing journey: the shaman was once and forever enhancement, and only recently turned on the tap to restoration (recent is a relative term). I love Momokawa who is only recently stepped toe into the Balance beam of specialties. Luperci got her way through Cataclysm by going Protection/Holy (she is not doing that silliness any more, but news on this later). My little gnome monk Luckycricket sure is fun, too, and can't wait to see what new adventures she rolls into.

I am not being disloyal to shamans, druids, paladins, and monks...

...but I'm going to have to say 'priest.'

Why? Because of all the classes, priests are the only ones who have a double-dose of healing. Yes, discipline priests are somewhat of the cross-over between holy and shadow, but no other class has two specializations that can heal, and heal damn well. But for my time, the first healer I brought up through the ranks is Zeptepi, and learning how to heal happened with her.

The other advantage to rolling a priest is so many races can play her:

Trolls (oh wow, have you SEEN the new Troll female models?!)
Gnomes
Worgen
Blood Elves
Night Elves
Draenei
Dwarfs
Humans
Goblins
Pandaren
Tauren
and all of them except Orcs...sorry, man. Put that staff away, and go be all warlocky.

Z, I don't want to overwhelm you with too many resources, but these may be a great place to start:

https://classyplayswow.wordpress.com/
http://healingmains.com/
http://www.furlinedteacup.com/bibleofdreams/
http://www.worldofmatticus.com/
http://wow.joystiq.com/leveling-guide
http://harpysnest.wordpress.com/
http://www.mmomeltingpot.com/2011/09/mmo-melting-pot-helpful-guides/

What I do know if when I'm playing Zep, the nerfs and the buffs and the RNGs giveth and taketh away, she always walks in the light. There is a sublime relationship between a priest healer and a humble with strength tank, be they Paladin, Death Knight, Warrior, or Bear.

Right now I'm leveling a discipline Night Elf priestess, to get a taste of what that's all about.

Let me know how this spiritual journey goes, sir....

Postscript: One of my early go-to's is http://psynister.wordpress.com/ - check that one out too!

Yeah, I can do that.

Here's Bear's post on our Sunday night adventure.


Yeah, I healed through this:

I did.


Theme Song:

Day 2: Constellation Consternation

Starry, Starry Night

The Matty-shack is in hibernation. Seriously. Every breathing thing except for me is crashed out, and it's not even 6PM. It's a few days until payday, so no Internet shopping. Finished Dance with Dragons yesterday, so now the waiting begins for the next installation. You all know George R. R. Martin was a television writer at one point in his career, right? So when a television writer writes epic novels, think of them like episodes on steroids. Time in between novels is on god-time, and not mortal readers'.

So what do I do while after I load the dishwasher and the next novel on my Kindle? Naturally, troll Facebook. Okay, few stories making me bored. Few things making me laugh, sure sure. And then this from a share from a friend from Green Renaissance:

Well, that's lovely! How magical! Take-my-breath-away enchanting, let me see where this unreal place is!

.....

Canterbury, New Zealand.

Trying not to type FUNZ.

Trying.

Jealous much, Matty?

It's written in the stars:

Here what was in my stars for today, courtesy of the Onion:

The Onion

PISCES: Remember, it's not how hard you beat the goat, but whether the goat you're beating is on fire.

Your Horoscopes – Week Of January 23, 2013: http://onion.com/XxN8ME

Come to think of it, that goat was NOT on fire!
Star-Crossed Geeks:

And ThinkGeek.Com asks this:

What is love?

Baby, don't hurt us! (Seriously, we're fragile little monkeys.) Love is letting her have the last squirt of sriracha in the bottle. Love is dusting his ever-growing collection of action figures. Love is fudging that d20 roll so she lives... or narrating the epic death her character would want. Love is snuggled under an Adventure Time blanket, drinking Hoth Cocoa and celebrating the 10th birthday of Mythbusters. Got love? We've got the best Valentine's Day gifts! Forever alone? We have that covered, too.

What caught my eye was the plush unicorn bouquet:

The perfect thing to send to your fake Twitter girlfriend!

It's in the stars...

Next on my reading list is The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. He is a phenomenal writer, and I'm looking forward to this one. I'll read it while I pet my unicorns and beat my fiery goat. Euphemism? No. Just my world.

Day 2: The Wishening

Okay, so yesterday, Tuesday, was the first day of my break from Azeroth, and it went really well. It did! My hands weren't shaking, I didn't break out in cold sweats (I'm sure that'll happen on Friday). I did notice that I got through an entire The Daily Show and Colbert Report and didn't have to play back parts or jokes I missed, but I did have more time to think about work, and then I thought I should have a tiny shot of Maker's Mark, so that wasn't good. Alcohol just has way too many extra calories, and hitting the sauce on a weeknight is not a good sign of anything. (Work really is a struggle right now.) But even if the ol' job is a hassle, I have a gnome's list of things to do, and it all has to get done TODAY.

But I never said I was going to take a break from writing, now did I? Nope. If I didn't write, I would truly go crazy, and I would take you with me. 

So, here are some butterfly thoughts I need to capture in a net and pin down (sorry, sorry --they are very ugly butterflies, evil butterflies, and deserve to be pinned down, is that all right?)

Shaman Tier 15 and Weapons

The new look as been revealed; normally I don't look at this kind of thing, but I did this time around because of an article by Apple Cider Mage. She is very articulate and spot-on in her writing, and I admire that so much. And I know I won't be popular when I say this, and you're going to think I'm weird, but I kind of, a little bit, teeny-weeny, disagree with her on something, and that is--I like the sexy female models in the game. Well, maybe 'disagree' isn't the right word, because I'm not really disagreeing -- there should be more representation of all physiques in game. There aren't enough NPCs of color either, unless blue counts.

I know I've written about this before, from my art background and all, but the fantastical, hyperbolic female and male forms are, even if unattainable, part of our human psyche. We have been admiring perfection in the human form since hands made art.

I'm Your Venus...

In May, 2009, this image was found:

You may not think that little fertile Venus is sexy, but when your tribe's future depends on the biological imperative, that's damned hot. At nearly 7 billion people in the world we humans have got that one covered. In fact, making babies is clearly so understood, we've grown away from tiny clay women to plastic and pixel forms that ne'er show a stretch-mark or sag. We all want eye candy, and admire art in all its forms, including those in games. The race car in Monopoly doesn't quite cut it.

There is nothing wrong with loving the female Pandaren models with their beautiful tummies, or wishing for more "real" looking fantasy images; I guess what I'm saying I don't feel wrong in loving the fantasy models, too. Now I'm off to go do some sit-ups. That chestpiece is getting kind of tight.

RTMT: AOE, PVP, BYOB: Understand?

These are a Blood Elf and Human Warlock in disguise as hedonistic British women.

Dealing with communication or lack thereof is my area of expertise. And, yes, in some ways I have capped out on expertise +22 agility with a proc ratio of 3:2. What? What the hell am I talking about? Well, nonsense really, but for my WoW compadres, most of you know I am using the jargon of Azeroth. I heard this story the other day, and thought it was intriguing: In a Fragmented Universe, Can Pop References Still Pop? The thesis is that because of our increased media feedings and offerings, we don't always get cultural/pop references like we used to. And, it made me feel better, too, because I don't and catch watch every new show out there, and some I just flat-out refuse, like Bad Girls Club or The Jersey Shore. But even though I've never seen them, I know of them, and sure as hell know what a "Snookie" is or South Park's reference to her (which was disturbing). I know there has been a small amount of snobbery in myself when I get references in Absolutely Fabulous or the IT Crowd. Playing WoW, and becoming a "better"* player, was largely in fact that over these few years of playing I have had to speak the language and become more fluent in Azerothian.

This is a gnome engineer, a human mage, and a night elf rogue in disguise.

Think about how many times you've heard from a more seasoned player about "back in Vanilla," etc., those who remember how raids, loot, dailies, etc. were, and remember the hit caps from five tiers ago. I am not nearly that fluent, and sometimes put both my fingers in my ears and do a "lalallalalalalaICANTHEARYOU" motion, but some of the facts and figures, and cultural references are fascinating.

Maybe that's how a guild also survives or not, not just the leadership, but when you feel like others "get" you? Just being understood is sometimes what love means. 'Nuff said.


* "Better" is qualitative, because I'm still kind of dork.

A grand occasion...

The RNGs are seductive bastards. We know this. But it's fine, just fine, boys, because I am resolved in this. As I said, a week from WoW, starting tomorrow. I have promised baby cubs if they catch me playing, a crisp $20 bill will be theirs. Goes for you all, too. Catch me on between January 22 through January 28 and I'll donate a Cinder Kitten or two. I'm serious about this.*

Before I put the note for the milkman and stop the mail, I've got some grand news to share:

Ragnaros, you are TOAST!

I wish I could write this like one of Navi's epic raid adventures, but alas, I do not have her voice--let me give you the quick "Matty" version: Yesterday, playing. Get an invite from one of my battletag buddies, asking to go with Bear's group. What? Really?! ME???!!! SURE! Group ready. Bear's calm and steady voice on Vent. Room for more- GUILDMATESWANNAGO? sure! Get four of them who'd never been--cracker-jack players but took some time off for life stuff--I'm healing-- cool - easy easy easy easy boy this is a lot easier than when it was new easy fun laugh easy fun laugh funny nice group (of course) onto the big bird DON'T DIE IN TORNADOES YES onto big guy with volcanoes awesome done boom onto druid no staff for the druids in the group does it exist even? yes it does promise I have it but not much good on a shaman (hey blizz why can't that staff turn everyone into a kitty cat? meow!) Onto Ragnaros walls of flame oh healing this is very very different from my dps understanding flames! Fire! RUN RUN people down oh nooooo me too! few up what to do? to ankh or not to ankh that is the question oh to hell with it reincarnate heal heal heal BIG BALLS OF FIRE heal heal heal WIN!

big FAT WOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

Me standing alone, party's over, but still, I could have healed all night! 

and I had to dork it up by having full bags and left the party before I got my loot so I had to plead with those still in the raid to invite me back so I could

go

get

my

stuff

(blush)

So, to one and all --thank you! LET'S GO AGAIN!


Theme song:

*Remote WoW from my i-phone doesn't count. No! It doesn't! Shhhhhh.....

Juicing.

Weirdest advertisement ever.*

Well, damn, everyone knows of current falls-from-grace that have been going on in the news. Can I just go on record and say that I knew it all along? Yup, that's right: Oprah's OWN network would struggle. Anyway--unless you're being sponsored by the US Postal Service, you are probably safe in consuming as many flasks, elixirs, and potions as you'd like.

Strolling through the drugstore the other day I saw this on the shelves:

Horny. Goat. Weed. With Maca. What the Hell?!?! After some investigation it turns out it is for exactly what the label says, and is an aphrodisiac. I had to buy it, of course! Judge me not folks, because you know if you saw "Gnome Enlarger Vitamins" or "Dwarven Digitalis" you'd buy it too. Kind of a pricey sight gag, but still, worth every penny.

Now we all have drank a flask or two in our time in Azeroth: there's potions for power and elixirs for enlightenment (or there should be). My favorites are the ones that do tricks, such as Potion of Illusion or Pygmy Oil.

Mataoka as a human...

Ceniza as a cool little gnome rogue...

I think we Alchemists need some new cocktail recipes, things with a bit more sparkle. Potions that make us not just more powerful so we can win seven Tour De LFRs, but more mojo and magic. The professional recipes and training have been way too passive for my taste this expansion: yes, the enchanting, blacksmithing, tailoring, and leatherworking have some new recipes to learn, but nothing, at least for leatherworking, that's all that great. But for alchemists and jewel crafts, the daily grind produces mixed results. I must admit I like to be in a little more control when it comes to choosing which things I am going to create. Also, one minor complaint, but things like the staffs that an inscriptor can create versus the very expensive mounts a jewel crafter can conjure seems a bit unbalanced. No, no, wait! I didn't mean that RNGs! Don't make bind-on-account staffs cost 20k to make, too! NOOOooooOOOOo. Me and my big mouth!

Better go fill up my pie hole with something to drink instead.

*This is an ad for Dewar's Scotch, and the actress is Claire Forlani (of Meet Joe Black and Mystery Men). I can't figure out who she is telling to go back to sleep in the backgroun - her rich octogenarian husband while she scoots around the liquor cabinet late at night with the pool boy? Whatever it is, if drinking Scotch is going to make me look like her then pour me a double!

http://www.wowhead.com/news=178945/ready-for-raiding-flasks-elixirs-potions-and-you

Happiest place on earth...

I never have to troll Reddit, because CDR does it for me-- he found this gem the other day:

"What is the happiest fact you know?" and one of the responses was that "this m----f----exists."

I am fairly certain that is some critter from Australia, probably a wombat. First of all, of course it's happy! It lives in Australia, for God's sake! I don't have to say another word--seriously! The Pacific region is FULL of beautiful women, deep blue oceans, the superlative of everything: most poisonous, most ferocious, and now--the happiest! Turns out, they were also gamers! Dammit, Aussies! (And don't get me started, Hobbit-happy New Zealand....)

Where's my Green Dragon Pub? WHERE?

I am posing the question, then. In Azeroth, what is your thing you are glad know exists? What is the happiest fact you know? Of course our friends, but in your response I would like something more specific. I'm pretty sure my multiple deaths in the Horde Hotel have brought a smile to Navi's face. We all need more wombat smiles, that's for sure!

OH OH OH - other random things:

Remember we were asking about new pets? I want GHOSTS! Ala The Ghost and Mrs. Muir - something ectoplasmic that follows us around. The idea was inspired when I found the typo in the quest log the other day, (it's "despair," not "dispair.") and thought when a player sends that in to Blizz they should get something, and Cross-Dressing Rogue suggested a ghostly (sexy) librarian assistant. I would settle for a Mr. Snergguls, and his powers would be to bore his opponents to death and squirt red ink. That would be quite lethal, don't you think?

An apple for Gina...

While I was in a parking lot yesterday, I saw this in the back of someone's truck. Oh, goody! An apple for Gina, and some of those little sprite shoes, too! This will help my reputation with both the Tillers and Cloud Serpents! Hooray! The socks are grey items, though, so I'll just vendor those.

Or is this just one more sign that I play too much WoW?

Hey, whatever. Got revered with the August Celestials, so now I can do this:

Onto exalted so I can get a pretty black dragon. Maybe I'll find some more crane feathers in the back of a Toyota tomorrow!

Series: I am a...hunter.

Diana the Huntress, OrazioGentileschi

I have really been enjoying scribbling this little series, even if it could have been under the guise of the "Know Your Archetype" theme. I guess the nuance between what I'm attempting here is these are meant to be more of the real-world examples of our archetypal manifestations. (Oh, Matty, don't break your brain - it's way too early for such big thoughts!)

And just when I had mentally drafted it, and even done some gear work for Haanta the Lonely Huntress, Bear went a did a great post on gear and hunters. I had been thinking the same things--no offense female pandas, but that mail gear, well...um.... Let's just say I wish hunter gear came in pink camo. Just kidding. I have often longed for the 'ranger' look for Haanta, complete with a hooded cloak and leather. I have made it a personal goal to only use bows/arrows on my Azerothian huntress -- just seems more epic somehow. Weird self-imposed rules for a game, I know. Most images of Diana/Artemis the goddess is shown hunting at night in her nightie. Must be freezing!

We hunt for food, bargains, lost keys and Red Octobers. Our mythological hunters and huntresses satisfying our obvious basic needs for food and clothing. Hunters are the gods of the tribe, there is no question. Without the skill to work together to bring back food to the group, the group would cease. Perhaps, the "invention" of collaborative hunting practices saved our species. This website does a good job of explaining our our early ancestors used two basic and fundamental means of survival, meat and fire. but it unnecessarily defames vegetarianism, (and doesn't get climate change, but okay) but once again I fail to see the connection between what our ancestors ate versus choices we make now as a species. Neanderthals probably didn't shave their legs either, doesn't mean I want to follow suit. I personally am not a vegetarian--I am a Texas Carnivore. But I don't care if other folks are. *scratches head*) I also have no issues with hunting or fishing. I have a very dear friend whose husband is an avid hunter, and if he wants to spend hours in the cold, moist air looking for Bambi, well, Bambi probably had it coming. She told me of one fight they had a few years ago when one of his hunting dogs was still kind of a pup, and he had the head of some elk or stag in a bag: the maggots eat the flesh away from the skull making it suitable for taxidermy. The dog got into the bag and ripped apart the prize, and he blamed her for 'not watching the dog.' You can imagine how the rest of that conversation went. She is a vegetarian, by the way, or close to it, and they do love each other very much. He's a great guy, but his decorating aesthetic is one I don't share. To each his own. Although if I do ever see a moose head at a garage sale, that Bullwinkle is coming home with ME! To me, "real" hunters, such as my friend's husband, do it for the love of the sport, and would never waste time or meat by randomly or excessively killing. I always thought skeet shooting looked like grand fun.

When I play my hunter, I must confess there is something deeply ingrained and visceral about the skinning/leatherworking abilities. It bugs me when I kill skinnable critters on my other characters and have to leave the virtual carcasses behind. Now as far as real hunting goes--no. I really don't want to see how the sausage is made.

I may have told this story before, so I apologize. When I was dating the dairy farmer, and had to break things off and move on, the Christmas after our break up he sent me a card. Enclosed in the card was a photo of a black bear he shot. It was...disturbing. Not that I wanted his cows to be in danger, or any livestock, but the message was more, "See, Woman, Me HUNTER! You miss out on BIG MAN!" Well, shucks. One less bearskin rug for me I guess.





http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2007/11/hunters/poole-text.html

http://www.historyforkids.org/learn/economy/hunting.htm

Mess.

Today I made a terrible mistake. No, no one died, or had to call a chiropractor, not that kind of mistake, but a really stupid mistake. I wouldn't be so hard on myself save that this is in a series of about four or five mistakes I've made since July or so, and I think---

---I think I need a vacation from my "vacation."

This is the light garbage in an LFR. I'm not "playing," I'm making sure colored boxes are solid.

This mistake involved scheduling and planning, and because my life and career are structured around a framework of complete control, a modicum of flexibility, and chaos theory sifted and baked into squares, if several of these missteps and miscalculations start to build up, the whole universe, my universe, comes tumbling down. Yes, I have a calendar. Yes, I put things on the cloud, my phone, and sticky notes. But those systems of late--I have failed in my diligence. I do not know why. I have my own theories of chaos: my life is in a big transition phase now, big, big changes (no, not the "yes God it's me Margaret kind, smartasses) but change nonetheless. Because of this error in scheduling, I had time to play WoW today, but didn't really -- I had planned on spending some time, writing posts, etc. I was glad it was Tuesday and thought as soon as the clock strikes 11 am, I'll be on and can see if there's a scourged whelping. I think I was about five after, and my friend immediately tells me there were 80 of them and all snatched up.

Can I tell you something that is going to sound absolutely ridiculous?

And this, I promise, has nothing to do with pixels of virtual dragons.

But I really felt this immense, deep despair in that one second. I really did. Like I had bet the ranch on that pet, and rolled a seven. Like I missed the last train to Clarksville. Like I was the Seattle Seahawks for thirty seconds on Sunday. You get the idea. And it wasn't just that that damn little green paw wasn't there that time, it's all of the metaphorical effing little green paws that never, ever become part of the virtual worlds, and there is not an effing thing I can do.

Prepare for some serious bitching now. Strapped in? Secured your latte? Good.

I am kind of a sponge-person. Wish I was a Spongebob and was happy all the time, but alas, I am more of a Squidward. But what I mean by sponge is when people I care about are going through something, I tend to soak it up, carry it, and don't have many places to get it out of my system. Before the holidays two of my colleagues suffered terrible losses. (Shit, starting to cry just thinking about it...) One was something this woman wants more than anything in the world, and it was taken from her. I wish I could make it better for her, I wish I could change it. But I can't. So what do I do to relax, and take a mental break from real life? I play a fun game called World of Warcraft.

You are all going to think I've lost my mind, and perhaps I have. I'll find it again, I'm sure. I just hit the wall though in game. One more bag of gold for an LFR, one more achievement shy of done, one more asshat tearing down other players, one more insufferable moment where Blizzard could choose, yes, choose to make the game fun for everyone and yet doesn't. They simply don't have to make everything that is fun so god damned hard. What would it hurt to have everyone get a Horseman's pony during Halloween? What would it hurt to have everyone get at least one piece of gear or goody bag in a run? What would it hurt? No one, that's who.

So, I've snapped. And when I snap, God help you all, I make plans.

So here it is.

Starting January 22 through January 28 I am going to take a little vacation from Azeroth. I love it too much to leave it completely, and it is an incredible place. And I want to keep loving it. Because here is the secret about God and RNGs: no matter what, my friends know I am a loyal and funny friend. I am a good friend in the virtual one and in the real one. You can count on that.

And maybe I'll have time to write some more Mrs. Whitworth stories. 

Tome: Thank you.

Shaman Blues: Chili, girl

I thought this was one of the best changes Blizzard has made in a long time, the way one could upgrade existing gear. It helped alleviate some of the pain of cruel RNGs, and help save on bag space.

This morning I read that it's going away.

http://wow.joystiq.com/2013/01/14/blizzard-clarifies-patch-5-2-item-upgrade-changes-upgrade-npc-g/

Effff.


Come on, Blizzard! First my underwater breathing is gone, and now this?

Damn. Damn. And Double Damn.


Okay. So you know those real life things I knew I had to do today? I wrote down the wrong date. So now I have "free time." Some of this time will be spent...yes....trying to get my gear in order. I know of two shamans who rock the house, Roostersauce (who I now see is in Something Wicked and not my former guild) and my buddy Turk. Roostersauce was the enhancment shaman my perious guild added, and she, so aptly named for the spicy Vietnamese red sauce, could easily do 60K. My buddy Turk heals over 80K with blues. Yes, to be fair, I could spend some time doing the following: 1. focus on a main 2. focus on a main 3. spend hours pouring over elitist jerks 4. give him airfare across the country to set up my UI 5. focus on a main

What is the likelihood I'm going to do any of that?

Well, nil. Considering I just called to confirm real life stuff, and had to make grand plans, ala Mission Impossible level, to make them work out and got it all wrong, that's probably not going to happen. Ever. I feel I already spend too much time on Azerothian escapades and not enough focus on real life.

Right after I do an LFR for my fist weapon.