Tuesday, October 8, 2013

RTMT: Junk Food

How could I resist?!

Sometimes you just don't want to know how the proverbial sausage is made.

Ceniza got turned into a goblin during the fight!
Damn, I have been stress eating and having wine/beer again. I can blame a lot of changes in the Matty-shack, the touch of cold weather causing my animal nature to store fat and hibernate, and oh yes, hours of camping for Moon Moon. Come on Den Mother! I'll take good care of your cub, promise! Just one please, pretty please? Just one and I'll be on my way, never to harass you or yours again.

Well, dang, fine then. I'll just go over and eat some comfort food from my favorite cook, Rona Greenteeth. My friend Turk notices I'm munching away on some delicious Draenei Dumplings, and in horror asks me if I have ever read the ingredients: "She's a cannibal don't you know?! At least eat Orc or Troll!"

Come to think of it, no, I don't think I have ever read the labels, and it's a AFDA (Azeroth Food and Drug Association) mandate to have factual labels on things. Although with the government shut-down and all, and (see what happened is the government passed a law and then a small group decided they wanted to change the rules so they held their breath and are now turning blue until they get their way: see what happens when there's a power vacuum? Garrosh is otherwise occupied so a minority is in control.)

I digress, sorry.

What those labels really should say is, "You have been sitting on your ass for two hours reading and waiting for a virtual shiny pet: get outside and go for a damn walk." (I have been walking, in between spawn times. Makes for some fast walks!)

In an effort to promote public health and welfare, I decided to do a little sleuthing and closely read those labels:

Okay, okay...not so bad, a few beard hairs...adds texture

Definitely harmless, unless you're a duck or goose, or a duck duck goose...

Again, I see no problem unless one has religious dietary restrictions, but pretty sure they're Kosher...even if Dr. Suess isn't getting royalties

She really does mean "cattle," right? Not the citizens of Eversong who walk around like pretty veal, I hope?

This is getting serious. One might mistake an antler-wearing druid for a deer, you know? Who knows what happens during crepuscular events? The mount is careening down the road, hits something hard, and who looks too closely at what those horns are attached to?

Draenei buns are thick...it's true

Gosh, Rona, you're not even trying anymore!

Gross, Rona!

The surprise is the look on the guards' faces when they become snack foods.

I think Rona is lying to me.

Well, regardless of how Rona keeps her larder stocked and her cauldrons bubbling, the food is delicious. Perhaps it's because it's rare, too; only happens once a month.

Kellda turns a little green after munching on some Gnuggets: perhaps they were processed without safety protocols?

 As long as Rona doesn't rely on Azerothian regulations to maintain standards, she's free to serve as she wishes. But caveat emptor, people. She doesn't wash her hands after using the restroom.

theme song:
Chef: Chocolate Salty Balls


  1. Anonymous8.10.13

    OMG! I'm trying to remember if I've ever eaten Rona's food, I hope not. Serves me right if I did, must remember to read the fine print in the future.

    1. With so many AFDA on furlough, it's tough to know what's still safe to eat!

  2. Anonymous8.10.13

    I remember buying the mana food a couple of years ago. Never again!

    1. Damn, now I'm worried if business goes bad Rona is going to come looking for me! haha! *runs and hides!*

  3. I think as long as you don't eat your own faction it's sort of ok. Although anyone who calls you "sweetling" and says "tee hee" regularly has to be suspicious and probably needs pushing into the oven of a conveniently placed gingerbread house. Time to get baking gingerbread!!

    1. We should write an etiquette book, "Mild Manners for Azerothian Ambassadors," and yes, eating one's own faction or race is definitely frowned upon. And seriously, why am I not more suspicious of this woman? Is that gingerbread I smell? ......

  4. But Greasy Whale Milk, Mud Pie and Stringy Vulture Flesh are okay?

    Some of us have been eating the Mystery Meat for ages!

    1. Those are considered cultural delicacies, Kall...

  5. Oh, it was so hard NOT to take the door you swung wide open, especially with Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls video.

    Be glad... very glad. I still like SNL's NPRs Delicious Dish Schweddy Balls. http://www.hulu.com/watch/4156


    1. Thank you for not making a to-do over my crass link! :)

    2. you are welcome... I think. Not sure what that is, but it does not sound good.

      Had to finally try the new meds the doctor has been so long after me to use when a cluster head ache hits (yesterday as I was typing the above) - now you know why some days I "go over that line" and "don't go over that line". Yup one is coming on and I lose my rational of thinking of whats funny and whats not. It's ok to share,



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