Sunday, July 31, 2011

Dear Matty: Slip Out the Back, Jack, Edition

Dear Matty:
Long time fan, first time writer. Got a sticky problem I think you can help me with. I need to break up with this Druid who's been playing me like a Russell Brower mandolin. Turns out, like most Druids, he's a player, and I don't have time for his multiple-personalities right now. I don't want to put him on ignore, that seems kind of harsh. However, if I see him around Stormwind, it'll drive me nuts. Hate to admit he's broken my heart, but I know I need to move on. What do you think I should do?
Dashed-dreams Death Knight

Dear Dashed:
I've said it once, I've said it a million times: Love Sucks. You asked what I think you should do, but you know what to do. A wise dwarf said to me once, "Women go into love hoping the man will change; men go into love hoping the woman won't." Amen, brother. But do you see the common thread? Change. And people don't. Sure, we can grow, mature, learn to compromise, but I have yet to see hard evidence that our basic wiring gets re-routed. If this person has hurt you multiple times, they gain something from this, and will most likely keep doing it (hurting you, that is). Girls find power in their sexuality, and men get praised for promiscuity: if this is the emotional level where this druid stands, it's pretty shallow, don't you think? Rise above the muck, my dear Death Knight. Stand strong, and move on. This person sounds like toilet paper that's stuck to your boots. Scrape it off.

Something related: Was watching the new version of Clash of the Titans the other night, and was wondering why Sam Worthington's hair was cropped so short, while every other male had mythologically long locks. Friend commented that was because Master Worthington had just come off of filming Avatar. Seems that here in the States, we need to import macho men from Australia, such as Sam Worthington, Hugh Jackman, and the cast of The Wiggles. 

So, WWAAMD? (What would an Aussie Man Do?) If you're wondering how some Aussie males approach breaking up with a woman, you may want to read this:

Good luck, and remember, just like every good old-fashioned draenei mother would say: "Dahlink, if he can't see how wonderful you are, he's not worth the spit of the Naaru."

And, there are some other cute ones out there:

Theme song: Really - just play it, sing it, dance: Cee Lo Green

Other Dear Matty columns, linked here.

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