Sunday, April 8, 2012

Luperci, the Potty Mouth

I have told this story twice now, and writing about it, well, don't want to suck too much of the oxygen out of the Internet.

  • Dungeon
  • Me, tank; guild-mate, shaman
  • End Time
  • Easy
  • Mage
  • Something about the mage....makes me....nervous? A tone? A swagger? Can one detect swaggers in characters? What was he/she? Not sure...tank instincts...
  • Everything is fine, just fine
  • I have this awful add-on that calls out when I am hitting Righteous Defense: didn't have to hit it too much at all until...
Well, I get ahead of myself. The bullet points were in an effort to keep me focused. FOCUS! No shiny! This is a tank story! Not a healer story, not a shaman story, and ffs, not a druid story! 

You know those mobs in End Time that are all dressed like B-movie ninjas? And way too pretty to mess up? They're really easy, until you get to the hillside one. That one take a tiny dance to keep aggro, at least for Lupe. But, you know what makes keeping aggro even more difficult? A mage who decides to run, BLINK into the mob to freeze it and then tries to blink away on the hill and then wonders why it didn't work.

Oh, wait. Forgot. On the first boss he hit Time Warp. I asked my guild-mate not to hit hero then in a whisper, not thinking the mage would hit Time Warp. I shrugged it off, not thinking it would matter. It'd be available on the Benedictus fight. 

Okay - he runs into the mob like a toddler into a freeway and then guess what? Three of us die. And man oh man did I try every damn thing. Every "Oh sh*t a mage just ran into a mob spell" I had. Almost made it...gasping...righteous...gasping....

Mage is laughing, tee hee! "Thought I coud blink out of it!" 

I asked Mage, why did you try to tank it? No response.

As I stand there waiting for the rogue boss, he puts an X over my head. I change it to a moon. I like moons. I would have marked myself anyway, but hey. I assume that this means he knows to stand behind me during the fight because of the smoke. 

I assumed incorrectly. 

I know that fight well. I tank the steps fine, and even know when she's going to throw her smoke, back up, and hope casters are standing right behind me. No sudden moves. No need to get silenced. Never had a complaint. I know this fight well because of amazing caster player friends, and my own practice. Oh, and Zep as a healer knows how to stand behind the tank too. It's a sloppy square-dance, swing your partner round and round, and it's backwards, but if Ginger Roger could do it, so can I. 

He complains.
after the fight, which was fine. (Where is your DBM, sir?)

Healer leaves.



Get a Druid healer. 

I tell my friend who is newer to the new dungeons "eyeball first." The mage starts marking my targets. I ask him, not too friendly, "Stop marking my sh*t. And then say, "Eyeball first, then smaller, then larger."  Goes okay. I have to hit righteous defense, the add on verbiage goes off, and as I am typing to my friend that I need to change that, Mage tells me it's annoying, it's standard, and "just sayin'." I tell him I was just telling my friend that. 

We get to Benedictus. 

Understand I am very irritated at this point. He's tanked a mob, got us damn near wiped, can't stand behind a slow-moving tank, healer's left, marks my stuff, corrects me on my add ons and is well, insufferable. 

I tell my friend in party chat to hit hero at the start of the fight and that is when Mage calls me a noob, that Time Warp is still up, and calls me other stuff. "It's on CD you moron!" 

That is when. 

When I tell.

The mage.

To go have sex with himself in a vigorous manner, and that he is an asshole.

And then he says to me, "Oh, I'm the asshole because I'm right?!" No, Walter, you can be an asshole and right. 

Everyone else is very, very quiet, but again, my tank-instincts tell me the others are on my side.

I then do what I swore I would never do, and hit Mage with righteous defense in all its add-on party-chat deplete-your-damage-score glory, again and again. He did like 10K at best. Did he die, too? Maybe. 

All the while I am righteously defending him, the add-on says something like: "I am casting Righteous Defense to Save Your Skinny Ass and Draw Attackers to Me in Order that you Do Not Die a Painful and Expensive Death!"

But - before he left, he called me a "punk."

Healer thanked me for a great run, and so did my guild-mate and the warrior, who got a good trinket out of the deal. 

On this blog, I searched for the term "punk" and came up with nine posts that have that word. Never have I been called one, though.

I have crossed the dark side, and it is warm.


  1. Oh my! How can being so nasty be so funny? You have a gift Matty :)

    1. Oh, and one important piece of information is my guild-mate is a gentleman, and I try not to use bad words around him, out of respect.

  2. He had it coming, Navi. Had. It. Coming.


  3. OMG! You #$@@& seriously didn't *!%%$# say **#&& after he @##$%* did you? ##$%@* well done!


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