Friday, July 13, 2012

"They call me Miss Mataoka."

Subtitle: Or Now You Understand Why I Like Alts, and Question the Concept of "Mains."

Another convergence of ideas, coming from a few enlightened fronts: first, been considering my virtual and real identities of late, and the Tastes Like Battlechicken has been curious as a kitty lately, too, (and it's a wonderful blog from every aspect) and names...what is going on with names. But this really tipped me over the idea bucket: The Dancing Tree/Pixelated Guilt, Changing a Main.

There is a thing in my family, I don't know why, or how, but we change names. I'm not necessarily talking about the addition or deletion of marital status, but our names. Sometimes it has stemmed from some minor emotional trauma, or other life-altering incident.

What's Your Name? What's Your Name? What's Your Name? 

When I was born, my mom named me Kxxxx. My dad asked if they could call me Kzzzz. Sure. I was named for an aunt, and since she was part of their lives then, made sense. I am much more of a Kzzzz than a Kxxxx, however. We moved to a suburb of Chicago when I was small, and I have this vivid memory of asking if I could go by Kxxxx from that point on, new school, new start, all of that. "Kxxxx" stuck all the way through high school. It is natural for me to answer to that name when friends and old boyfriends still refer to me by that name. But then again in college, because I went to school relatively close to my family, for some reason, perhaps it was because I brought a boyfriend home, and they all called me Kzzzz, I went back to that. (Confused yet? Me too.) I have kept that nickname my dad gave me since, although as mentioned, unless you knew me through family and call me Kzzzz, only those from high school or my job in my 20s, folks still call me Kxxxx.

Enter the Internet

I was always a writer/artist. I make marks. Some are colorful and good, and some are marring and need cleaning up. With the advent of social media, blogging, and all that it offers, I had what is both a liberating and highly combustible combination: immediate gratification for writing. Bam. Type It. Publish It. Be who I want to be. No one need see it, or read it, but it's there, like initials carved in a tree. The tree gets a little scarred, but the memory is rooted. And making funny avatars, and random blogs, and social media accounts...well, they've all kind of sprouted like clover on a golf course. Pretty, but unwanted. I have my professional persona, and now, gods help me, my Azerothian persona. There are folks who see me in Real ID, and it says "Kxxxx" and I have to explain that I'm really "Kzzzz." but for ease of use, just call me "Matty." 

Will the Real Slim Matty Please Stand Up

When I read posts as beautifully written as Battlechicken's, (Ambermist? Mrs. Mist?) and others such as hers, I realize how alike and different I am to many players of WoW. This blog was always intended to be my little garden patch of thoughts, and other genres of writing, be they personal narrative essays, or other forms of fiction (as opposed to the fan variety), are for other venues. Until I need to get my photo on a book jacket, though, I am hesitant to post any personal photos, because once we see someone cast in a role, it's hard to re-imagine them. 

So taking a cue from the adorable Erinys, here are some things about me, too:
1. I also look good in hats. Take my word for it. I can't wear them at my job (don't ask--something about gang colors, for God's sake...) and I knitted one myself one time. Once. 

2. I have a chest and large box that my great-great-grandmother painted. It's in the Pennsylvania Dutch style. This great-great-grandmother loved to paint, and there were very few surfaces that did not meet her brush:

 3. My favorite colors are indigo blue and red-wine red. But I am also fond of greens and lavender spectrums:

I am always astounded that things grow.

So in this little tiny corner of the web, I am Matty. You can call me that.

Erinys' post is...sublime:


  1. Anonymous13.7.12

    In Australia, it's a right of passage to have you name shortened and that tends to stick with you. Even avatar names are shortened, point in fact, you are Mataoka, but you want people to call you Matty, Navimie is another and we just call her Navi and for myself, I get Ayel an Aye. The beauty of this though is that it makes us feel comfortable and welcomed.


    1. That is lovely and true - being part of my family meant you knew my nickname, and...freely used it. :)

  2. Anonymous13.7.12

    It's funny, I always thought when I became an aunt I would be called Aunt N__ but my family always tacks on a 'y' at the end for cutesy flavour or something. Reminds me of Ricky Schroder in Silver Spoons as a kid but suddenly when he became an adult, he was credited as Rick Schroder.

    But I think you'll always be Matty to me :)

    1. I really hate being called "Aunt", it makes me feel far too old :)

      Your Great Great Grandmother's paintings are beautiful.

      On the topic of names, I was very nearly Daniel because they were so sure I was going to be a boy (I kicked a lot) and even after they realised that oh, it's a girl, if my Grandmother hadn't put her foot down.. I was going to be Daniel regardless. For some things in life, I am eternally grateful :D

      I'm always amazed by people's desire to shorten stuff, I mean Erinys doesn't exactly have many letters and yet most people call me "Eri".

    2. Ah, I had forgotten about the pre-birth nicknames and gender choices! (I love the name Daniel, by the way, but perhaps Danielle would have been more appropriate for a girl?...!) My folks nicknamed me "Little Eva Ruby" before I was born-- because they think they are very clever!

      And Cymre and Eri- I think any of those new monikers we acquire, such as Aunt, falls under the category of life is moving on, whether we are ready or not!

  3. I am waiting for Amazon to send me a firewire plug adapter so I can respond to Battlechicken's challenge too. It's funny, first you're Matty and then, I don't know why, second you're the K**** that IS NOT your real ID K word to me. And I'm jealous of you and Erinys looking so fine in your hats and if I ever get access to my scanner again I'll show you how stupid I look in one!

    1. I am very happy to be the Kzzzz, too! You will never look stupid to me, never ever!

  4. This is Navi's comment I had to edit to protect the innocent:

    I still get confused because I never call you Kxxxx and I always call you _____as a joke, but when I'm typing on blogs I call you Matty. Is that weird? But I love that you shared a little bit about yourself with us that I didn't know. And I'm a nosy little thing too. I'm sure Ambermist will be thrilled you joined in her monthly challenge! on "They call me Miss Mataoka."

    <3 you Navi!

    1. Oh god sorry! I thought I put xxxx in that bit

    2. No worries sweet Navi! Not sure who I'm trying to fool - most likely myself!

  5. Anonymous14.7.12

    I totally get the name thing! When I was born, my parents chose to use a shortened version of my middle name as my nickname (it was family tradition--all the girls on my mom's side of the family were named that way).

    When my brother came along, I told them they couldn't make me the only kid in our family with the burden of always correcting people, so I insisted that they call my brother by his middle name--and, for some reason, they listened! So my brother and I both go by nicknames derived from our middle names and confuse the heck out of everybody. :P

    Thank you for sharing this, and dang it, another person who looks good in hats. :D Also, the chest is beautiful; I wish I had some artistic talent!

    1. That chest is one of those "things I'd save in a fire" things. I've given folks the abbreviated version - "Blame my dad." :)

  6. Anonymous16.7.12

    Love this post :)

    Names definitely have become more interesting with RealID, too. I call most of my friends in WoW a strange combination of their WoW names, real names, and occasionally their alt names. It gets very confusing, but it's cool in a way as well.

    I've always found it interesting too, which nickname people tend to call me in real life. My first name can be shortened two different ways. Oddly, guys tend to lean towards one of the nicknames and women towards the other. Not sure what that's all about.

  7. Anonymous16.7.12

    "With the advent of social media, blogging, and all that it offers, I had what is both a liberating and highly combustible combination: immediate gratification for writing. Bam. Type It. Publish It. Be who I want to be. No one need see it, or read it, but it's there, like initials carved in a tree. The tree gets a little scarred, but the memory is rooted."

    This is absolutely beautiful, and sums up how I feel about blogging. :)

    1. Thank you so much! So many interesting things to think about...


Thank you for your comment!