Saturday, January 14, 2012

Dear Matty: Be Cute Edition

Dear Matty,
Since you have spent some time in a virtual, albeit extensively social, world, I thought you may have some advice for me. A few years ago, my marriage ended to an emotionally distant Undead Warlock. What can I say that hasn't been said before? I was young, and straight from an all-girls mage school, and didn't really know what I wanted. Anyway, entering the dating world again with new rules, new social structures, and oh...yes...THE INTERNET....has been somewhat daunting. But, now, I am not one to shy away from meeting new people. I perform, belong to dancing groups, and enjoy my life and work. But, I do want a relationship. Here's the problem: most men that I meet now seem kind of...broken? They immediately want to send me sexy tells, and are simply lacking in gentlemanly manners. Is it because in this day and age, men have no other way to show that they are virile warriors when all is done by pixels and bandwidth? Whatever happened to just talking, and getting to know someone first, instead of jumping into the first Inn you see, kicking some sleeping dwarf out of the room, and, well, you know what they have in mind. I am beginning to feel that I am surrounded by a pack of Felwood wolves and I have Dumb Bunny perfume on. I can dance and dodge around them all day, but it's getting old. Tell me, Matty, how does a nice mage like me find a decent mate out there?

Bunny-bait Blood Elf

Dear Bait:

Wait. I need to get a cup of coffee before I tackle this one. Maybe "Irish" it up a bit, too.

First of all, from your enclosed photograph, I can tell you girl-to-girl, you are very cute! All that dancing you do must really help keep that tail in shape! (I may have to take that up!)

The story goes like this: from the time we are little elves and such, the females tend to be a bit ahead of the curve verbally and socially. We find that most potential mates aren't "ripe" until much later. I am sorry to talk about the males of the species in terms of fruit and nuts, but...*cough* ...moving on...

The old adage, 'fall in love with your best friend,' is deeply true. The men that act more like a Tex Avery wolf archetype to your Little Red one are abundant, it's true, and unfortunately, because they are at an age where they should have matured and figured out a few things about love and happiness, and yet, didn't, well, they get what they pay for, in a manner of speaking. Just means you're not for sale.
Add sound effects as needed.
I wish we could offer "those" men who think that all relationships take place below the neck a wake-up call, but alas, Internet, texting, and other things aside, there have always been men like that. The real question is finding one worth his salt, plucking him out of the line-up, and letting his personality shine through the interwebs.

In other words: think about the article I posted, "Love At First Kill" (Humans). One subtext, one key inference we can make is that the humans in that article took their time to get to know each other before they felt that "twang" of Cupid's arrow.

But you know all this, hence the discouragement. So perhaps, I better redirect my target:

Gentlemen: if all you want is the junk-food pleasure of flexing what you think are your sexy chops, truly, that is fine. This is how the ladies see you:

But if you can string two thoughts together, and wish to approach women you want to get to know a little better, then consider your imagination, wit, and charm. Talking like a pirate doesn't hurt, either:

I wish you well, Bait. One word of caution: remember, sometimes we as women don't always know what we want either. If you say you want the 'nice guy,' well, don't discount them either. Just as men may want the 'whole package' women do, too. No one can explain pheromones and chemistry, but there's a dungeon in Outlands that has some that drips off the bugs if you get really desperate.

My coffee is gone, and I'm all out of advice.
Anyone else have any words of wisdom for would-be daters out there?


Instead of being "Rick-rolled," perhaps I can start a new prank called "Pabloed."

Better choice: I Miss You (but haven't met you yet)/Björk

(Writer's Note: this edition of 'Dear Matty' is not about me personally, but based on a real life conversation with a very good friend.)

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