Saturday, July 6, 2013

Dear Matty: Chivalry Is Dead Edition

Dear Matty:
This is so damn petty of me, but it's gnawing at me so: sometimes the real world sucks. Yesterday for example, I noticed not only was the toilet paper roll completely down to the bare cardboard, but "no one" had even bothered to go to the other cupboard and resupply the area with fresh rolls. This may not seem like a big deal, but this happens quite a bit, and then that "no one" apologizes! That is what makes me angry! And this morning I was putting away a big stack of laundry, found a warm sweatshirt to keep me comfortable in the chilly morning air, and then was told to not wear it. Okay, okay, so it wasn't mine, I should go find my own, but there was a bear sleeping in the cave where I left my hoodie, so...anyway. I am just sick of folks in the real world being selfish and petty, and once in a while want to just get my way without fuss or fights. In Azeroth, my guildmates are always happy to see me, stand by me in battlegrounds and LFR, and send me companion pets. I mean, really, how awesome is that? Matty, what do you do about your real life nuisances?

Mama's Out Of Mana

Dear MOOM:
Whenever there is a disruption in domestic bliss, I turn to my trusty resource, Urban Dictionary! According to UD, 'chivalry' is something that is dead and should stay dead. Well that's not its original meaning - chivalry used to mean treating others, specifically ladies, with a code of honor and ethics. Now it's just come to mean a double standard. In other words, we want our toilet seats down and rolls filled, too. There is a lot of "mine" and "yours" in the Matty-shack, a whole lot of boundaries and not a lot of sharing is caring sometimes. This puts a huge debuff on a romantic's heart, I understand. There is a passage from one of my favorite novels, Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez where the wife, Fermina, forgets to put in a new bar of soap or some trivial thing and is so put out by the pettiness of the husband --it's a powerful, poignant moment. Reading it intermittently over my life shows me new understanding or insight. But that's heavy literature: you're just trying to be happy in both worlds, yes?

“She felt the abyss of disenchantment.” 

Well here is what I do know: the more you do for yourself the better, that way any time someone does do something nice for you it's all good, unexpected, and a pleasant surprise. The boons will surface like flowers in a field of cow patties, rising above.

To you youngun's out there who are far too sophisticated to admit that there are sometimes you want to feel like a princess or a knight in shining armor (careful, kids, I did not assign gender roles to this - you did that yourselves), forgive yourselves. It's okay. Everyone wants to feel that swept-up thing, and it's very real, powerful, and necessary. What keeps us human after all.

And this article and short film will come in very, VERY handy:
What To Do When You've Made Someone Angry by Peter Bregman  (hint: just say you're sorry and shut up)

It's Not About the Nail


Postscript: Yes, I am going. I really am. The Matty-shack household is on different schedules: I take the  morning shifts while everyone else is on swing or graveyard. May not be funny, may not be fair, but that's the way it is.

Here are some books I'm taking on my trip:

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman (started reading it last night --!!!!)

The Child Thief by Brom

The Night Life of the Gods by Thorne Smith (thank you Erinys - I am loving it!)


  1. The "no one" at our house repeatedly puts dirty clothes ON TOP OF the laundry basket, not in it. What is that about I ask you. IN the basket, IN. Sigh ...

    I must send It's Not about the Nail to my daughter. This is the behavior she bases her belief that somehow my brain is male. I'm told I just need to sympathize, not try to "fix" things. I am wrong thinking, lol.

    1. Isn't that priceless? But if...just...the!!

      My thinking is male too, I suppose sometimes, but sometimes I am overly fond of my nail.

      Guess it depends on whose nail it is?

      Stupid toilet paper.

    2. I'd be listening but my mind would be elsewhere and I totally wouldn't see that nail until two months later. Observant? nope, not me. Maybe I am that girl. Oh God, my brain! It's exploding from the sudden realization that I have a nail in my head.

  2. Books... Gosh I need to start reading again one day...

  3. For me when I don't read my writing suffers. Plus I just like having someone else do the heavy lifting for a while...finished the Ocean one...amazing if course


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